Nomad Librarian

Thank you

2011-09-28T22:38:00.002-05:00

To the colleague who stepped on an emotional land mine today.

And then backed off, and said all the right things, asked questions that showed he cared, not voyeuristically but truly, and ended with out platitudes or any other expression of his feelings. Sometimes it is nice to have support that doesn't hinge on others guilt or interest, but on simple human kindness.

Things that make me...

2011-09-10T22:19:00.003-05:00

Nervous: News from places where he might be deployed.
Scared: News of casualties in places where he might be deployed.
Cringe: Casual mention of the places that make me nervous and scared, in a blog post where I don't expect them.

I don't want to be holier than thou. I don't want to make it a thing. I don't want to...anything, really.

Except cry, because I don't know how to tell someone that the joke isn't funny, couldn't ever be funny, if you looked at news from that place the same way I do.

Time to sit and be

2011-07-16T21:34:00.002-05:00

Einstein and I don't get to spend too much time just existing in the same space. He is gone half (or more) of the year, and even when he is home, we both work/commute 50-60 hours per week. Our weekends are usually highly social, busy with events and parties and church functions and people.

Today, it was rainy. Today, most of our friends were out of town. Today, we had no plans.

We spent today working on household tasks and chores, dancing around each other to accomplish domestic necessities. And then we sat on the couch and read and surfed and read and surfed and...

And it was glorious. Reading bits of novels and essays back and forth to each other, laughing and enjoying and being together.

High school sweethearts

2011-05-02T21:16:00.003-05:00

Reading a tweet from the wonderful Rae today, I was struck again by a stereotype I've encountered again and again....

"Marrying your high school sweetheart is the stupidest thing you could possibly do."

We see it again and again in movies and songs, in people's reactions and commentary. And I see it every time I tell someone how my husband and I met. That's right, Einstein and I were (are?) high school sweethearts.

Why is this considered a bad thing???? I mean, really. I heard (and still hear) things like:

1) You are/were too young to know what you wanted.

Um, okay. Trust me, I knew what I wanted! Here's the thing: if we were too young, we were BOTH too young. And we've grown up together. And because of that, we've grown together, not apart- I always say I fell in love with a boy, and have just kept on falling in love. Why? Because I (we!) work to do that. We aren't the same people we were when we fell in love (more than 10 years ago), thank you, God. I'm actually pretty sure there isn't a magical age where people stop acting like idiots; I'm just glad I found an idiot who has gotten smarter along with me.

2) You can't experience the world with a boy tying you down.

Maybe if you are a codependent person in a relationship with a homebody. Both of us traveled, had separate friends, lived hundreds (sometimes thousands) of miles apart. It wasn't easy. It wasn't always roses and chocolates. But I have experienced more of the world than I would have had the courage to do without him by my side (either physically or mentally).

3) How can you possibly make a decision like that after dating only one guy?

Because I firmly believe that marriage is AT LEAST half determination and commitment. I'm lucky enough that so far the other 50% has been being crazy in love. But I'm pretty sure the determination and commitment will see us through even when the crazy in love dwindles to 5-10%. Also, he is a pretty great guy. Everyone has flaws. Waiting for Prince Charming wouldn't have worked for me; I'm a perfectionist- I would never, ever have found him.

Okay. I could rant a lot more on this one, but I have to go to work in the morning. That's all I've got.

Resolutions

2011-01-02T16:41:00.002-06:00

I like making resolutions and goals. I don't really limit myself to making them only in January, but I have found that it is always best when I break resolutions down into habits to start.

2010 was a very strange year. I spent a lot of time in January making a lot of very good plans and resolutions for the year. And then I got a new job and all of my really excellent plans got flushed down the toilet. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing- I love my job, and of all the things that didn't go according to The Plan last year, my job was by far the best. Our life changed in a lot of ways, but I have to say that despite meeting almost none of my goals from last January, I'm very happy with where things are this January. 2010 taught me a lot of lessons about the futility of planning, and the blessings that come wrapped up in having our plans completely wrecked, and also a lot about appreciating every second, because it can change so very fast.

Which means that in 2011, I am trying to concentrate on supporting my New Year's resolutions with habits. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to break things down into small, daily chunks that I can easily work into my routine. And I am trying very hard to resist the idea that I need to start trying to incorporate all of these habits now. I am going to focus on just a couple during January, and hope that by placing the importance on building the habit, instead of on the results, I will be able to start implementing change.

To 2011!

Semester's End

2010-12-12T22:18:00.003-06:00

Twas the night before semester break and all through the library, not a creature was stirring, not even a grad student;
The books were piled in the book drops with care,
In hopes that the professors the papers would soon grade with care.
The undergrads were all snug in their beds, with visions of A's dancing in their heads.
And my staff in their exhaustion, and I in my fatigue were ready to settle in for a long winter's nap.

When out on the campus green there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore through the security gate and threw up the door locks.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature book truck and eight tiny shelvers!
With a little old classification system, so lively and quick, that I knew in a moment, it must be LC!
More rapid than eagles, the shelvers they shelved!
"Now, D, E, F (history) and HG (social work)!
To the top shelf and bottom, to fit all the books in!"

Down the staff elevator they came, with book trucks near to empty
and found book drops overflowing with books, like water in the sea.
Their hopes to be done soon were tarnished and moot,
but the continued on shelving by hand and by foot.

And soon they found all the books put away, and they journeyed off at the end of the day.
And as I locked up for the break, I could be heard to say:
"Happy Semester Break to all, and to all a good night!"

**With thanks and apologies to Clement Clark Moore

Putting life on hold

2010-11-20T16:49:00.003-06:00

I realized today that, in a lot of ways, I put my life on hold when Einstein is out of town.

The realization came as I was trying to make some financial decisions (nothing major, just trying to decide what to do with extra gas and grocery money that we save when he is gone). I was looking at our finances, playing around with different scenarios, and I thought, well, I will just leave it until he gets home. Thankfully, he is never gone for more than a few months at a time, so I have the luxury of putting off decisions...but in this particular case, it is dumb to wait until he gets home. And since his communication is pretty limited, I don't want to waste his time with the decision. And then I realized...wow, I am putting off a lot of things, while he's gone...

Besides cleaning the house and shaving my legs. there are a few things that I really shouldn't be dragging my feet on, mostly professional decisions that have meaning for our life together. None of them are things that would drastically change our life, they are just things I would like to talk over with him. There is also a laundry list of silly things that I could totally take care of and he wouldn't even notice:

-Finding wall decor for our bedroom
-picking a color to paint the guest room
-buying more memory for my computer
-putting away our summer clothes
-reorganizing the kitchen drawers
-buying a new comforter for our bed

These are not earth shattering decisions. They aren't even things that we would discuss much. I just miss his input and help.

But that isn't enough of an excuse. He's gone too often for me to put life on hold when he's not here.

The other side of the fence

2010-11-01T21:48:00.003-05:00

Okay, it is time to come clean.

I'm that girl. The one who volunteers for everything. Who never met a raffle ticket or bake sale that she wouldn't volunteer for. The one who made meals whenever she was called, put her name on the list to organize, volunteered to organize and decorate for events...and felt superior to everyone else because of it.

Or I should say, I used to be that girl.

New base + new squadron + new job = I've become the girl** I used to disdain- the one who says "Look, I'm busy! And what has the squadron done for me?" I used to hate that attitude of entitlement; I had a hard time with people who just showed up to social things, and never put their name down to volunteer. If you wanted something from the squadron, you should give back to it!

But seriously, I can't. I just can't. I've got obligations at work and in our parish and voluteering in the squadron is something that I want to do, but I just can't. And I hate that I used to judge people like me... and I'll be honest, I'm still sort of judging myself. I find myself hesitating to take advantage of squadron resources (or to show up to any events at all) because I haven't volunteered for a single thing, and I'm probably not going to any time soon.

** I would use the gender neutral term here, except I've never met a male spouse who was involved in the squadron spouses groups....lots of great male spouses who were supportive, awesome gentleman who go out of their way to help their friends, yes...but the people decorating for the kids Christmas Party are always women.

Love is here

2010-10-30T21:55:00.002-05:00

Love is the things we do when we're not thinking of it.

Love is rocking back and forth, holding a friend who is at the end of their rope.

Love is answering the phone when you don't want to.

Love is sending a funny thought to a friend who can't take any more negativity.

Love is being there when someone else needs you.

Love is not caring if you look like a fool, as long as they feel better.

Do the impossible thing.

Phone holster

2010-10-19T21:33:00.002-05:00

I've always thought that phone holsters were stupid.

After missing 2 calls (some of the last calls I'm expecting for a long while) I'm seriously considering pricing out a nice phone holster. Or two. The only problem is that my phone doesn't really work inside of the library, so it seems a little pointless.

Also, why is it that he always calls when I'm 1) away from my desk and/or 2) not in a position where I can take some time to talk to him? I spend hours at work typing policy, working on spreadsheets and other mundane administrative minutiae, but he always calls when I'm right in the middle of some sort of crisis.

I guess he just has a gift. :-D

Workplace politics

2010-07-09T22:45:00.002-05:00

There are politics at any workplace. I get that. I've even experienced it before, in other jobs.

But this is the first time that I've found myself at the center of the maelstrom. And I don't like it. I can't even send out a simple email without causing some kind of ridiculous bruhaha. And because I am (as always) the newest, most junior person around, I have to toe the line and mind my elders and blah blah blah.

What is funny is that I actually LIKE everyone I work with. I don't dislike a single person. I know that other people have SEVERE grudges against other people- but it doesn't bother me. I get along with everyone on a personal level. But there is a LOT of backlash to things I start/suggest.

Also, the thing that sucks about libraries vs. the Air Force? The Air Force has a clear command structure. You know if someone is your peer or not. You know who you can vent to, who you have to be respectful of, etc. Even though Einstein is sometimes in a weird place with relating to people (I think it happens to everyone from time to time) for the most part he knows where he stands.

I never know where I stand with people.

But I do love my job. :-D

How much do you share at work?

2010-06-20T16:27:00.002-05:00

A friend recently shared with me that her coworkers had been horrified to find out (through a conversation with another spouse who happened to run into her while out at lunch with said coworkers) that her husband was deployed.

She hadn't said a word. Around here, where deployments are short but grindingly frequent, people rarely do. It's certainly not something I would share with my coworkers, much as I like them. Living in another community, with a long commute to work, makes it a little easier for me to separate the two "parts" of my life, so I don't worry too much about my coworkers "finding out" by my friend's dilemma made me think...

Were her coworkers justified in their hurt? Should she have confided in them? Would my coworkers be upset in a similar circumstance? Should I at least be telling my boss, or someone at work? For safety reasons, if nothing else?

It also made me think about what I call military voyeurism, for lack of a better term. I don't want sympathy, special treatment or sighs. In this community, there is plenty of support from other spouses, etc- my friend didn't need support, and definitely didn't want to deal with sighing, clucking or questions she can't answer, so she didn't say anything to her coworkers. Now she has two coworkers who are angry at her (I have been trying to figure out their logic, but not having a middle school mentality is hurting me on this one!).

I'm not planning to change my own plans and methods, but the situation did make me think.

Appreciation

2010-06-15T20:18:00.002-05:00

My job has combined with Einstein's unpredictable schedule to make our time together even more scarce than usual. So when he unexpectedly got a one day pass to take leave (leave is very scarce on the ground around these parts!), we wanted to take advantage.

I aggressively cleared my calendar for our midweek day off. There was a training going on I needed to attend? Sorry, I'm out that day. My boss needed a meeting with me? Sorry, I was taking a vacation day- it was on the calendar! Oh, wait, we need someone to take care of prep for an orientation group! Someone else will have to take care of it.

We were going to have a day all to ourselves. In the middle of the week. No errands, no chores, no mandatory fun to attend, no parties with other people, no nothing. Just the two of us.

And then, the inevitable call: "Honey, I'm really, really sorry...there was a blah blah blah blah blah and it looks like the only way to fix it is for me to work on that day." I was sad, and angry, and frustrated and all of the other things you would expect- but I felt bad for him, since he was clearly miserable about. I asked (without any real hope) if there was any way around it, explaining that I had spent the past week or so putting things off, packing other days with back to back meetings, and generally pushing things aside to make room for our little one day vacation. But, I said, I understood. I tried in vain to find another day on my calendar that would work, but since I had worked so hard to clear that day, I was booked solid for the next 2 weeks.

And then, lo and behold, wonder of wonders: the scheduler made it work. We are got our day together, thanks to the ingenuity of the scheduler, Einstein's persistence and the genuine human kindness of all involved.

So I want to express my appreciation to all involved. I'm especially grateful for people who, instead of going with the suck it up mentality that I see so often, really make an effort to make things as bearable as possible. In a squadron where people are gone as much or more than they are home, the people (and their actions) make all the difference!

Book 4: Grave Peril by Jim Butcher and Wrap up post

2010-06-06T17:04:00.003-05:00

I received the first three books in the Harry Dresden series from a friend for Christmas.

It's taken me until June to finish them, which should tell you something about how much reading I've been doing, lately.

Grave Peril by Jim Butcher was definitely my favorite of the Harry Dresden novels thus far. I'm excited to pick up number four.

What do I like about the series?

I love Harry. He's funny, he's nowhere near perfect, he's a gentleman. I also love Bob, his talking skull/spirit personal assistant. The books are realistic fantasy, which is my favorite type. The supernatural is part of the real world, in these books, and that makes it easier for me to enjoy the storyline. I love characters, and Harry is a character and a half. Literally, by the end of this book, but I'll let you read it to find out.

Also, I rarely let myself be drawn into a non-finite series; I've been burned before (Tom Clancy. David Weber.). I don't like it when books start stretching out, getting too involved- if you have to put a character list and a synopsis in the front, I'm not interested. I like the Harry Dresden novels because they stand alone, but build on each other, as well.

As I'm writing this, I have mere minutes left in the 48 Hour Book Challenge. I should mention that although I haven't finished it, yet, I did read 10 of the 13 books of Saint Augustine's Confessions which I've been meaning to start since February.

My totals are as follows:

Reading: 20.5 hours
Blogging: 1.5 hours
Social media: 2 hours
Books Read: 4.75

Wow! My secret goal was 24 hours, and even with a huge break for Mass and brunch today, I still met my goal when everything is all totaled up! I still wish that I had managed to read for 24 hours, but there is always next year!

Participating also reminded me that I do need to take the time to be an introvert every once in awhile- to say no to going out so that I can stay home and read.

Book 3: Truesight by David Stahler Jr

2010-06-05T17:02:00.002-05:00

Despite my earlier assertion that my goal was to whittle down my to-be-read list, I decided that the books I had were too slow moving and I needed some YA fiction to read. Mostly, I was jealous after reading some of the tweets and posts by other participants, and wanted some YA goodness of my own.

Unfortunately, my local library has a really weak YA section, and none of the books on my TBR list were in (which is why they are still on my TBR list, I guess). I did find Will Grayson Will Grayson which wasn't on my list, but only because I'd forgotten to put it there. I'm saving it for later, though, and started reading again with Truesight by David Stahler Jr.

I picked it off the shelf based solely on its cover, and the fact that I had enjoyed Stahler's Doppleganger. At the beginning, this book felt a little too much like The Giver; a thirteen year old awaiting his life assignment in a supposedly utopian dystopia. Jacob is an interesting character in his own right, though, and despite the alliterative name, I didn't have a hard time distinguishing him from Jonas. Jacob is much less naive, and in Delaney, he has someone his own age to reinforce that fault lines in his community that he has already sensed.

There are overtones of cult-ishness to the civilization, and the Truesight doctrine is deliciously creepy.

That said, I wish I had known it was part of a trilogy before picking it up. I was frustrated with how slowly the story moved, feeling that there was no way for the story to resolve in the number of pages that I had left. And, of course, it didn't resolve itself, because there are two more books to read. I'm not sure if I'll seek them out- they weren't on the shelf at the library, and honestly, although I want to know what happened to Delaney, and I enjoyed Jacob, the world didn't pull me in enough for me to put in an ILL request.

Reading: 9.25 hours
Blogging: 1.25 hours
Tweeting/reading: 1 hour

Book 2: Tales of the Alhambra by Washington Irving

2010-06-05T10:57:00.003-05:00

I picked up my copy of Tales of the Alhambra by Washington Irving while visiting Granada, and started reading it while I was actually at the Alhambra. I put it down again when I returned home, and it feels good to finish it- and it made for a nice little reminder of my own travels, as well.

I'd previously only read The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, and I have to say that I enjoyed Tales of the Alhambra much more. Irving's tall tales are artfully woven with the point of view of an American traveler in Spain, and I can say easily that some of those observations still ring true nearly 200 years later. I also enjoyed the footnotes, which were in Spanish and highly amusing.

My hours count stands as follows:

Reading: 6.25 hours
Blogging: 1 hour
Tweeting/blog reading: .5 hours

I read The Confessions by Saint Augustine for awhile last night, but reading that is slow going, which is what made me reach for short stories this morning. Our local public library is open right now (the only time their hours and my hours at home coincide all week!) so I am thinking of heading over there to browse a bit. I have a lot of things to read here at the house, but they are all sort of slow reads, and I think I need some quick wins to stay inspired.

Book 1: An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor

2010-06-04T18:58:00.003-05:00

After just over one hour of reading, I've finished my first book of the 48-hour book challenge:

An Altar in the World: A geography of faith by Barbara Brown Taylor

I'm sure I saw it recommended somewhere, but I don't remember where. I put books in a TBR list, and I don't always put down where they are rec'd from. I'm glad I jotted this one down, though.

Taylor, a former Episcopalian priest, gives the book a subtitle that might be slightly misleading to the average reader. By calling it a "geography of faith" she sets an expectation of a sampling of world religions, but as she unapolagetically explains in the first few chapters, while she has definitely gathered practices from other faiths, and knows enough about them to identify commonalities and departure points, this book is essentially based in Christian though and practice.

While it wasn't what I expected, her space-rather-than-map-centered-geography was an excellent read. Each of the twelve chapters focused on a particular practice or idea that would help people base their spiritual lives not in some ephemeral otherworld, but in the concrete, hands-on actions and interactions of daily life.

I enjoyed it a lot, and I'm already thinking of which friends I want to pass it along to.

48 Hour Book Challenge

2010-06-04T17:33:00.004-05:00

Although I've been outside of the Kidlitosphere for about 6 months since I've crossed over to the dark side and become an academic librarian, I've wanted to participate in Mother Reader's 48 Hour Book challenge for a couple of years now, but since we were PCSing during last year's and I was up to my neck in work the year before, I haven't been able to...but this year it is ON!

So! My TBR pile is mostly regular fiction and non-fiction; I no longer receive ARC's of kids or YA books- I don't really get ARC's at all, anymore, which is one of the things that really sucks about being an academic librarian. I don't have a goal in mind for either hours or books; I just want to shrink my to be read list a little bit. I've been doing a lot lately, and my introvert side needs some nurturing, and it seems like this will be a great weekend to sit around and read.

I'm nearly done with An Altar in the World: A geography of faith by Barbara Brown Taylor, so I am going to curl up in my favorite chair and get cracking.

I will be tweeting throughout the 48 hrs at twitter.com/nomadlibrarian

Thoughts on the military and the idea of work/life balance

2010-04-24T17:52:00.005-05:00

I found a new blog yesterday, and have been eagerly reading some of her very thoughtful posts. While many have been bookmarked for later reference, and nearly all have made me think, one in particular has prompted me to think about how the military interacts with mine and my husband's true vocation, marriage.

Her post discusses a strange but true fact of career planning in mainstream America, that:

"The notion of consider the kind of daily life you would like to lead is absent from professional career planning as any of us experienced it. Not in college, not in high school, not back in grade school when we were drawing pictures of What We Will Be When We Grow Up. Sure, there's advice to consider the kind of work you want to do. But the notion of choosing a career path that is well-matched to the kind of life you want to lead outside work is completely foreign."

This has been an issue of some contention for Einstein and I from the very start. I, after all, longed for us to have careers that made family life the center of our lives, as it was for both our families growing up. Einstein, while aware that the military was in many ways incompatible with that vision, felt truly called to his profession, and both of us made what we felt was a mature, well-informed decision that he should stay in the military, that we should marry, and that he should plan on a full 20 year military career*. We had long discussions about the military, about moving around the country, about the moral doctrines of just war and the effects that the lifestyle would have on any sort of academic or library career that I would want to have. We discussed the effects on our future children of frequent moves, being far from family, etc. We have had a series of similar discussions at two other points since then: when he decided to be a pilot, rather than an engineer and when we had to submit his "dream sheet" of aircraft choices.

What we did not discuss, at all, was what our daily life would look like. Mostly, that was because we had no clue. Daily life in the military (at least in my experience) fluctuates so much dependent upon job, base, leadership, and a billion other factors as to be indescribable. Einstein's Air Force uncles and their wives did their best to prepare us, but neither of us had the slightest idea of what we were getting into.

I am not talking about deployments. Einstein entered the Air Force post-9/11. We both understood that deployments were a foregone conclusion. I am talking about the when-he-is-home time. I had no idea that his schedule would be so varied, so unpredictable, so dependent on weather and mechanical breakdowns and the often seemingly insane whims of leadership. No one told me about long hours spent at work studying material in the vault. Everyone focuses on moving and deployment, but no one that talked to me (and I talked to a LOT of people) thought to discuss the long, unpredictable hours, the lack of weekends and ability to take sick leave to care for a child and a million other little details that pervade daily life in the military.

As we constantly evaluate our disposition toward having children, Einstein and I have come to the uncomfortable realization that while we feel equipped to deal with the moves and being far from family, the daily grind of military life and deployments make us feel that our daily life isn't really suited to children. I am not saying that we will continue to try to avoid pregnancy; not at all! After all, our first commitment is to God and to each other, and that commitment includes the promise of children. But if we could go back in time, would we choose this life? Maybe not. At this point, though, we are committed* and so we try to find ways to make our daily life work as we want it with the circumstances we find ourselves in. And in that, I don't think we are that different from any family, military or not.

*I don't know if Einstein will stay in the full 20. With his commitment after pilot training (10 years) plus his time in service before pilot training, he will be near enough to his 20 by the time he can get out to make it a pretty ridiculous idea...but you never know.

NOTE: This is not meant to be a "Oh civilians have it so easy" post. I'm just trying to get some thoughts of my own out and see if I can make better sense of it by writing it out.

And then I found a new job

2010-03-21T17:47:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in almost two months because I got a new job.

Not only did I get a new job, but I crossed over to the dark side.

I am now working in an academic library. And I love it. I mean, really really really love it. I thought I would miss working with little kids. I thought I would miss all of the funny stories. I thought I would miss a lot of things. But I don't!

So I have been busy loving my new job. And Einstein and I have been getting used to a very new dynamic: I am working as much or more than he is. Between my commute time (around 2 hrs per day) and the fact that I have been working way more than 40 hrs a week while trying to get my head above water, things have shifted in our house. He is home by himself a lot. He is doing all of the grocery shopping (and doing a great job, I might add!).

Things are settled down a little now, though, so I just want to say that I have lots of ideas for posts, and I really am planning to write them. Soon.

Violent movies

2010-01-31T20:49:00.004-06:00

Does anyone else have a hard time watching military movies? I can't watch military movies. Or really any violent movies. I do okay with unrealistic movies ("Stealth", anyone?) but anything that is remotely realistic, I just can't watch.

Which is unfortunate, since realistic, violent, military themed movies are some of Einstein's favorites. But I can't even be in the same room if one is on.

I also get sick of making excuses for why I don't want to watch things, whether we are over at someone's house or trying to pick a movie to go see in the theater. I just can't handle it. If I do end up watching something, I have nightmares for a week or so afterwards.

I don't really think I'm missing out on much by not watching violent movies...but my dislike of them coupled with his dislike of chick flicks really limits are movie viewing abilities.

I wish I worked here...

2010-01-13T20:37:00.003-06:00

People always say this to me (meaning they want to work at the public library) and they always finish the sentence with "it is so quiet!".

The next time someone says that to me, I am laughing in their face.

Today, we called the cops once every hour for my entire shift. I am not kidding. The top 3 incidents (only 3- there were more, but these were the most interesting!):

1) A woman's purse was stolen. After hyperventilating, going into hysterics, yelling at the librarian who suggested she check her car to be sure she hadn't left her purse there, accusing 3 different people of taking it, and filing a police report, the woman went out to her car and found, you guessed it, her purse. (I would like to note that no one was angry with her, just glad she found her purse. We were also amused, I'm not going to lie.)

2) A man stumbles in, knocks over a display of books, He tells us "Hey ladies, how's it going, woops, that's the floor. No no I'm fine, just having a rough day!" Obviously, he was drunk. So after he stumbled to a chair and passed out, we called the cops. Who had to call an ambulance for him, he was that intoxicated. Yep.

3) Another drunk man FELL ASLEEP on the toilet in the man's restroom. I am not making this up. Since all of our male staff members were either at lunch or out sick, I and another librarian went in the bathroom, where we pounded on the stall and yelled to try to wake him up. Since that didn't work, we called the cops (this was the fifth time out of eight for the day!).

So yeah. And people wonder why we say they shouldn't let their kids run around the library alone if they are under 12? Really?

Dinner for one

2009-12-16T18:31:00.003-06:00

Quick question:

Would you rather go out to eat by yourself or cook for yourself at home?

I hate cooking for myself. I did it by necessity when I was living by myself and broke. Now? Well, I don't technically live by myself. And we are not technically broke.

But I feel that same loathing rising in my heart, nonetheless. I keep making myself eggs, because that is all I can bring myself to cook. Luckily, our house is inconveniently located to nearly all local restaurants, both sit down and fast food, otherwise I would drop a lot of coin on dinners out. Unfortunately, I can also spend a few hours after work shopping and then head to dinner before driving all the way home. Which is also a lot of coin, but at least I got 2 nice sweaters, some curtains and a few candles out of the deal.

When I do this, I generally go to Buffalo Wild Wings (shut up, I like them). By myself. With a book. Because that is how I roll.

I always sit in the same section (the only one with decent lighting, so I can read my book). I always get the same waitress. And she always calls me honey/sweetie/etc which somehow makes me feel even lamer than being in what is essentially a sports bar reading a book.

But I do love their wings.

Ribbit?

2009-12-03T21:18:00.001-06:00

I frequently greet patron's with a cheery "Hi!" followed by one of two questions:

"What can I help you with?"

or

"How are you today?" (this second one is especially appropriate when they have a stack of books ready to check out...I know how I can help them, I don't need to ask!)

Today, I asked a patron how she was, and got this answer:

"I'm finer than a frog's hair split three ways and sifted through silk."

I'm not going to lie, I didn't really know what to make of that response. She said it very very cheerfully, and obviously any such hair would have to be very, very, VERY fine, thus making her very happy. Except...frog's don't even have hair, do they? And if that's the case, then maybe she was trying to say that she was really unhappy?

I honestly don't know.

Einstein's take on eye makeup

2009-11-24T21:36:00.002-06:00

I don't wear a lot of eye makeup. I mean, I wear it, but not a ton.

So today I was trying out a new look, in preparation for the squadron Christmas party. It is a "nighttime look" complete with eye makeup that could be termed "dramatic". In other words, its a heck of a lot darker than anything I normally wear.

When I walked out to show Einstein, he was on the phone. He made a face like he was sucking on a lemon and made a flapping gesture around his eyes. I took this to mean he didn't like the look. I went back in the bathroom and messed around some more. After he got off the phone I asked him what he didn't like.

"The eyes are too dark. I don't like it. Well, I guess its not too bad if you stand in the shadows."

Yes, dear, that was kind of the point. After I tried to explain this to him, he came out with this little gem:

"Well, you look like a fourteen year old at the New Moon premiere. Or a second lieutenant wife. Or a cougar. Or something."

Considering that not so long ago, I was a 2LT wife, I'm not really sure how to take that comment. But I am going to go crack open a bottle of makeup remover. And find some other eye makeup for the party.

Note to self

2009-11-14T13:04:00.003-06:00

Try to remember that when Einstein is gone, you need to get out of the house and spend time with people.

And no, work doesn't count. It's great and all, but its not exactly restful.

One morning out of the house, and see how much better you feel??

It also helps to do dishes/laundry more than once every two weeks. Just saying.

/note to self

Murphy's law of TDY's strikes again

2009-11-09T07:54:00.003-06:00

Maybe its because things just seem worse when he's gone, or maybe it really is Murphy out to get me, but as soon as he's TDY something always breaks, or some emergency crops up or whatever.

The worst part is that I then have to make decisions. I am normally a pretty go-to type of person. I don't mind making decisions.

But I also like talking those decisions over before I make them. With, you know, the person who 1) usually lives here and thus has a pretty good read on the situation; 2) is not prone to hysterics and 3) will be most impacted by any property damage/costs incurred/etc by whatever decision I make.

Unfortunately, I'm in the driver's seat with no one to bounce things off of.

If he doesn't like how things turn out, he can complain to the Air Force.

Variety is the spice of life

2009-11-03T16:23:00.000-06:00

After pilot training ended and all of our friends scattered to the four winds, it has been interesting hearing how different life is in the different types of airframes. In the Air Force, each aircraft has its own quirks, but in general the lifestyle tends to be pretty similar for similar aircraft within a type (the "types" being heavies, fighters, bombers, special operations, and unmanned aerial systems).

I'm lucky to have friends in lots of different airframes (airframes is the Air Force's fancy way of saying airplanes), so I get to hear about a lot of different things. It is amazing how different the cultures are. At Einstein's pilot training base, pilots and the flying community were presented as a monolithic institution, but nothing could be further from the truth!

The differences aren't just in deployment length and frequency, either. The amount of institutionalized drinking, the types of mandatory fun, the atmosphere of the spouses groups- its all different. I love hearing stories about super formal spouses meetings at other bases (mostly because I don't have to attend them). I am glad that my husband doesn't have a roll call every single Friday night. I am envious of the exuberant, friendly welcomes that some of my friends have received from their spouses groups.

And mostly, I'm thankful for the chance to see how the rest of the Air Force lives. :-D

Want a library card?

2009-10-29T21:48:00.000-05:00

I think everyone should have a library card.

I'll wait a moment for the shocked murmuring to settle down.

Seriously, though, what's better than free entertainment? Most libraries have books, DVD's, audiobooks, tons of online resources and more available to cardholders.

So go get a library card, but be prepared! Most libraries are going to make you show a photo ID and something else (a current utility bill, rental agreement, a piece of mail, car registration) that shows proof of residence. I have never worked at a public library that didn't require this second type of proof of residency.

I am often frustrated when military folks come in with their military IDs and expect that to be enough to get them a library card. Sorry, its not (at least, not at any library I've ever worked at- not saying it might not be elsewhere!). The military folks often get frustrated with me, too. I understand how they feel, and often feel like commiserating- after all, my brown ID card gets me everything else, from groceries to free legal assistance, so why can't it get me a library card?

So save yourself some hassle: get a library card, but be prepared before you get there; you'll save yourself (and the person behind the desk) some frustration.

**Note: if you're setting up a library account at the base library, be prepared with your ID, your sponsor's duty phone number and unit, and other relevant information!**

one thing I love about the air force

2009-10-24T21:28:00.002-05:00

My husband is okay with making cookies.I'm not saying Navy/Marines/Army aren't...but...

I know that some branches (our friend T who is Navy) think that the AF is a little out there, but Einstein is making cookies for me right now, which is pretty sweet. And I'm with my sis, and talking about a million things. Seriously, though, I love our new location, and our base, and and and...my baby sister is here, which is better than anything.

nomad.

One is silver, the other is gold

2009-10-24T09:34:00.001-05:00

One of my mother's favorite refrains when I was growing up was "Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver, but the other is gold." While I generally prefer silver to gold (and silver vs. gold insignia denotes the higher rank, haha) I definitely agree with the premise of what my mother was trying to say.

The problem is that I'm not sure how to put it into action. I'm fairly decent at making new friends, I think. I'm not like other people I've observed, who seem to make best friends with the first person they meet at a new base, and remain BFF's for the rest of their lives. Nonetheless, I do find it easy to be friendly with people, and from there, to develop real friendships as I get to know them better.

Unfortunately, I am horrible at long distance communication. This is ironic, since Einstein and I maintained a long distance relationship for 4 years, and still have what I would affectionately refer to as a "commuter" marriage. Although I've never struggled with calling/emailing him, I am horrible at it with the rest of the world.

My most frequent email correspondent is my mother-in-law, mostly because I would feel pretty guilty if I ignored her emails, and also because our communication styles mesh: short, to the point, with a little humor thrown in for good measure.

I am horrible at long, chatty emails, and I am even worse at the telephone. I loathe the phone. I prefer email and texting. I often let my phone go to voicemail and rarely return voicemails once I listen to them (which can take an embarrassingly long time). I star blogs in my reader to comment on them, and then never do it. I star emails for later reply, archive them, and forget all about them. I intend to send cards and letters and never do.I remind myself of birthdays and forget to call/text/facebook whatever.

While some friends are fine with this, others clearly hate me for not communicating more efficiently. Also, as more of my friends become long distance friends, it gets harder and harder to keep up. I wonder if my expectation are too high, or if I am just a crappy friend? I don't know. I do try, especially for people I know value certain types of communication, but there are some friends that I have grown apart from and I'm not sure if that is inevitable or if it is my fault.

I guess I just have to do the best I can, and try to find some way to balance the silver and the gold.

I know I shouldn't, but...

2009-10-20T19:27:00.000-05:00

It is science fair time in our area.

That means lots and lots of parents coming in to check out science books.

For the most part they seem completely unrepentant that they are doing the research for their child. Some of them are a little more sheepish. No matter which camp they fall into, they feel the need to excuse themselves. I've heard a lot of variations on these refrains:

"Oh, I know I should make her do the research herself, but she is so busy with soccer/cheering/band/blah blah blah..."

"I'm just picking up books for him, he's doing all of the work on this project himself!"

"Do you have any good ideas for a fifth-grade level project?"

"I have no idea what type of science they are studying this year...does it matter?"

The winner, though, was a mother who came in this morning:

"I might as well pick the project. I'm going to do all the work anyway."

At least she's honest...

My poor garden

2009-10-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

I managed to plant a little garden when we arrived at our new place. I am starting to think that I have a black thumb. Our planters on the balcony of our apartment rarely survived, but I was sure that with a whole backyard and tons more space to work with, I would be able to haul in some serious produce.

So far I have harvested 2 cherry tomatoes, several handfuls of basil and one bell pepper. Bugs, heat, too much rain and a million other things are working to kill my produce. And of course, the farmer's markets are all done for the season. I am ready to tear my hair out. I finally have a chest freezer (amazing!) and so I am thinking about trying to get in on a local organic vegetable delivery thing-a-ma-jig in the hopes that I will be able to freeze some extra produce before winter sets in.

Not that winter is exactly knocking on our door, here in the South, but my Minnesota upbringing is hard to argue with!

Trip down memory lane

2009-10-12T16:05:00.000-05:00

The other night, Einstein and I were discussing a system for getting the dishes done.

I like to set up systems to do the dishes so that I can avoid having to actually do them.

I was reminiscing about my system for doing dishes in our old apartment, and Einstein mentioned that he couldn't picture our old apartment. Which surprised me, because I still think of our apartment as home. Based on past experience, it takes me at least six months to start to forget the details about wherever I lived before.

Other than my parents house and my college campus, I've never really gone back to places I've lived before. We have friends who really enjoy visiting old postings, driving past old houses, staying on base, eating in favorite restaurants, etc. I think I would enjoy it, too, but we haven't had a chance yet to go back and visit any of our old haunts.

Dancing with the stars

2009-10-08T21:11:00.002-05:00

Einstein and I are taking dance lessons. I found a good deal on two months of lessons, and I told him that it was now or never.

When we first started dating, he showed up at closing time at the library where I worked, rolled down the windows on his car, pulled me close and started dancing. Between the streetlights, the fog and Old Blue Eyes on the radio, it was pretty darn romantic. Unfortunately, neither of us know how to dance.

Until now! We are learning, slowly but surely. We're having a really great time. We are going to miss a few of our classes because he is not exactly working what I would call 'regular' hours, but for the most part it has been a fun way to spend one evening a week.

All of this thinking about dancing made me realize how romantic Einstein was when we first got together. I usually end those types of thoughts with "He never does anything like that now!" but today, I was replaying our dance class, thinking about that first dance in the parking lot almost 8 years ago, and all I could think was how much I love him, and how much I appreciate all of the wonderful things he does and has done for me.

The next time I'm frustrated with him, I'm going to try to remember this feeling.

If I laughed out loud, at least I didn't snort

2009-09-15T21:03:00.002-05:00

Most libraries put notes on patron records for a variety of different reasons. When you check out your books, the person behind the desk can usually see if you have some books being held behind the counter for you, if you have fines, if you have tried to convince us that you have returned 16 of our books that somehow miraculously are not on our shelves and are still checked out to you even though you turned them in, if you are allowed to check out extra books because you are a homeschooler, if your spouse is authorized to use your card, etc.

Most of these notes are, obviously, administrative in nature. The appropriate library protocol is to end the note with the date it is entered and your initials, so if someone later has a question about the note, they know who to talk to.

Someone at my new library, however, has a more colorful sense of humor. On the accounts of a select number of our regular patrons, they have written notes. Some of them are informative ("Will talk your ear off if you let him"). Some of them are endearing ("Sweetheart!"). My anonymous colleague does not put their initials or a date by these notes. I wish he/she did, because today I saw one that took the prize both for accuracy and for its ability to make me feel better.

I dealt with a particularly trying gentleman for nearly 10 minutes, arguing about due dates, renewal policies and why we don't allow cell phones in the library. He was quite sure that I was the stupidest human being ever to walk the face of the planet, and that he knew much more about libraries ("I've been coming to this library longer than you've been alive!" - which made me think: Why, yes, you have, and I've been working here two months and I know the policies better than you! How'd'ya like them apples?) I scanned his card and discovered this succinct, to the point note on his account:

"Ignorant."

I couldn't help it, I chuckled a little. Luckily, he didn't ask what I thought was funny.

A glimpse into the life I could have had

2009-08-15T20:49:00.002-05:00

I have a new job in a nearby library! This is a very good thing, since it gets me out of the house and gives me another arena to focus on. I needed that, more than I did at the last place we lived. Things have been harder for me to adjust to, here, despite loving the location far more than our old one.

Anyway, my new job! I like it, its cool, and now that I'm settled in, hopefully I can get back to posting on a regular basis.

Yesterday I had a chance to really talk with one of my coworkers. She's about my age, and we have really similar dispositions, etc. And after talking with her for awhile, I realized that she is a lot like the person I would have been if I hadn't married Einstein. She's attached to her extended family, and after some exploring moved home to be near them. She loves her work and derives most of her satisfaction from it.

I could have been like that. If things had turned out differently. Instead, I am living this nomadic lifestyle, far from my family (and right now, from my friends, too, until I make new ones!). I don't mind it, because Einstein is worth it. But it was interesting to spend a conversation seeing what might have been, and seeing that despite all the draws (my coworker has a pretty sweet life!) I would still rather have Einstein's and my life, with all its hassles and inconveniences, than live a life that didn't include him.

Flexibility is the key to milspouse power

2009-07-17T18:03:00.004-05:00

Tonight is not the first time that I have had to back out of plans at the last minute because Einstein's schedule changed.

It is not even the first time that I have had to call people to cancel an event that we were supposed to host.

So when he called to tell me to cancel our plans for tonight, I did. I didn't ask why, I merely said "No problem" and asked if he would be home tonight at all. While I wouldn't say that I'm a pro, I definitely know that his "work schedule" is a fluid thing, subject to change without notice. I've learned not to ask "why" because honestly, even when I can decode the acronyms, I rarely understand the reasoning. And, frankly, they "why" doesn't matter.

After I had called our guests to reschedule, stored the food, pulled out the wine I had started to chill, I stopped for a moment. I looked around the house, which while not exactly up to Martha Stewart standards, was clearly ready for a dinner party and I thought to myself: Taco Bell or McDonald's?

And then it struck me that maybe, just maybe, despite all the aspects of military life that I struggle with, I might be starting to get a handle on that key ingredient in the life of a military spouse: flexibility. Because honestly, despite a moments irritation at having to call my guests, I am fine with postponing our party. I'm fine with going to get some fast food, curling up on the couch to watch a chick flick, and going to bed alone. Not exactly what I had planned for the evening, but I'm actually okay with it. Two years ago, I definitely would have been way more put out by all of this.

So yeah. I'm going to co-opt one of the Air Force's favorite tag lines, and say (with some authority) that just as (or even more than) "flexibility is the key to airpower" , flexibility is the key to maintaining sanity in a military household.

I love having time to read

2009-07-13T11:09:00.004-05:00

I read a lot.

I know, you are all shocked. Me, too.

When I am working, I spend approximately 70% of my reading time on professional stuff: professional journals like School Library Journal, American Libraries, Booklist and Publisher's Weekly; advanced reader's copies, review copies, picture books for storytimes, novels and nonfiction books for book talks, books that are challenged by patrons or that a coworker asks me to read.

Another 20% of my reading is what I like to call "practical" non-fiction: cookbooks, gardening books, self-help books (I'm a sucker for books on "Making Your Marriage work" or similar topics, sad I know!), religious books, etc.

Those of you who are good with math already know that means I have 10% of my reading time left to devote to: fiction and "not very practical" non-fiction (like this amazing book I once read on the history of string! Fascinating!). The amount of fiction versus non-fiction that makes up this 10% fluctuates pretty wildly from month to month.

Not having a job right now, I find that my ratios have changed pretty significantly. While I still read some of my professional journals, not having to make purchasing decisions cuts down on the amount of time I spend looking at reviews. I haven't read a picture book since the move. I've read some young adult stuff, but that was for fun, not for "work". I've gone from 70% professional stuff to about 10% professional stuff. And I've been making up for it in fun reading. I'm finally making a significant dent in my depressingly long list of books to read "someday". Well, someday is now, and I'm trying to plow through as much as I can.

I haven't read anything that has made me say "Oh, wow! This is my new favorite book!" but I have read quite a few books that are fun, interesting, and well written. This morning I finished The Commoner by John Burnham Schwartz, a novel narrated by the fictional Empress of Japan. It tells the story of her movement from commoner to Crown Princess. It has a smooth pace and clean details. Another winner: Keep your mouth shut and wear beige by Kathleen Gilles Seidel, which is a mother-of-the-groom story. My own wedding was an act of theater that played out around me, so I always find wedding stories cathartic, and this one had a great angle: the problem is not the bride, or the mother-of-the-bride, but rather the new girlfriend of the groom's father. It had a unique perspective, and best of all, it dealt with blogging! The Martha Stewart-esque girlfriend is an avid blogger, and the narrator's reaction to reading the blog was the exact same one I would have if I were to meet some too-perfect-to-be-true Big Name Blogger in real life.

Thank you for listening to my book recommendations. When I'm working, I talk about books all day. I miss recommending them and discussing them, but it is nice to have more time to read them!

Also, any My Sister's Keeper fans out there? I love that book, and I enjoyed the movie, but...well. If you've read the book and seen the movie, you'll know why I felt betrayed. BETRAYED. And I am extremely non-judgemental about movie adaptations of books. Luckily, I have Harry Potter to look forward to this week.

PCS...kind of rhymes with depressed, doesn't it?

2009-07-09T13:09:00.002-05:00

I am an extrovert. It's taken me a LONG time to come to grips with that. After all, I love to read! I would spend all day curled up with a book if I could. That must mean that I'm an introvert, right? Wrong. Other than the year before Einstein and I married, I've never lived alone. I had my family, then roommates (I was always lucky in having fantastic ones). I didn't so much as go to the grocery store alone.

I hate being alone. Being around people energizes me. Strangers, friends, whatever, I love the interaction. I do need quiet time by myself, don't get me wrong, but nothing makes me happier than spending time talking and just being with other people.

Our new locale is great. I love the weather, the scenery, the whole nine yards. What I don't love is not knowing anyone. The great irony of all of this is that we've had a ton of visitors since we arrived; more than we ever had at our last base. But now that our stream of visitors has started to dry up, I find myself feeling depressed.

I haven't made any friends here yet. We know quite a few people here (it's a small Air Force, after all) but all of them are single dudes, or active duty ladies. Now, some of my best friends fall into these two qualities, but I would really like to be able to take a break from a morning of cold calling libraries to ask about job/volunteer opportunities to have coffee with someone who is in the same boat. The spouse's group is currently non-existent, and not in a "if you want to start one, go for it!" kind of way. What I've been able to piece together leads me to believe that the lack of spouse support has to do with a personality conflict amongst some commander's wives. Nice.

Alright, I'm sick of my own whining.

Things I am happy about:

1) Lots of time to read!
2) Having a backyard to garden in. Mmmmm, tomatoes!
3) Finally having my house all set up.
4) Being able to experiment with cooking new things.
5) I found a place to get my hair cut!

I think the key is to get out of the house more: go to the gym, go to the coffee shop to read, go hang out at the library and read magazines. I'm not going to meet new people sitting in my house.

Things I wish that they covered at spouse orientations

2009-06-17T19:14:00.002-05:00

Before I begin this post, I want to clarify: I am extremely thankful that our new base has an orientation especially for spouses. I learned a lot, and it was definitely a valuable use of my time.

That said, here are the top 5 things I wish they covered at spouse orientations! (In reverse order, ala Letterman)

5) Telling us all about our key spouses and then not having the info to contact them was a little, ah, misleading. I want an email address, at least!

4) Which local grocery store has the best produce? I know its not the commissary! (The commissary here ROCKS- awesome 'deli, etc, but the produce, not so much).

3) How do you shut people up when they won't take no for an answer? You told my husband at his briefing that he should just say that he "works for the Air Force" and leave it at that...but my crazy uncle, friends from college and others are really bothersome with their "but what does he DO? where does he GO?" questions. The good old "it's classified" response goes over like a lead balloon. I'm obviously not going to tell them what he really does (since, quite frankly, I don't know) but it would be nice if you could teach me some stock responses to give them that would make them cease their endless questioning.

2) Where are the best places to eat? I am in desperate need of a good Mexican restaurant.

And finally:

1) Where should I go to get my hair done? Seriously, people. I scheduled my last trim and color for two days before the movers came, and my roots are, well...not pretty.

Memorial Day 2009

2009-05-25T10:46:00.003-05:00

An excerpt from For The Fallen by Laurence Bunyon.

Solemn the drums thrill; Death august and royal
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres,
There is music in the midst of desolation
And a glory that shines upon our tears.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted;
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Today I hope that all Americans will take the time to remember. I'm thankful that my parents raised me with a healthy respect for the solemnity of this holiday, and not just excitement at the three day weekend. I'm thankful to my grandfathers, for their service. And I'm thankful for the three friends closest to my heart today. You are remembered, and will never be forgotten.

Trying to tie up work projects

2009-05-21T22:12:00.002-05:00

I thought I would be sooooo happy to be done with work...I am literally counting the days.

At the same time, I find that I'm really very attached to my various projects and responsibilities. The more I think about letting someone else take them over, the less I like the idea. Although I've done it before, its harder this time around. I think because I let myself get complacent, get attached.

I read a book this week that quoted some historical sources regarding military wives. It is amazing how much their letters match up with my contemporary emails. Finding a place to live, worrying about our husbands, in some ways it is still just like the 1800's. At the same time, I'm thankful for all of the advantages we have...

The Mrs. has a great giveaway going!

2009-05-07T14:24:00.003-05:00

So I'm pretty sure y'all have already seen this, but The Mrs. is giving away an awesome, awesome Military Wives Cookbook at her site. Things I like about this: cooking, military wives, history and (bonus!) its a book! What more could you want??

Check it out!

Also, I would like to note that Einstein and I are in the midst of house hunting at his new duty station. We LOVE the area...lots to do, beautiful weather, great restaurants. And we've put in an offer (and a counteroffer and a counteroffer and a counteroffer) on a house that I am completely smitten with.

That said, looking at houses all day? Not my forte. I know why they call it house hunting: because by the end of the day, you want to shoot someone.

The PCS that ate my life

2009-04-27T20:06:00.003-05:00

When Einstein and I moved here, we did a DITY move.

I made him swear to me that we would never, ever do one again as long as we lived.
(In case you're worried, we're not. He tried to talk me into it and I told him that he could use the money we made on the DITY to pay for a divorce lawyer. Like I said, NEVER AGAIN.)

I was so excited about this PCS. I had all of these dreams, filled with soft, muted light and sappy music, where the movers came, packed all of our stuff and we blissfully set off for our next adventure. Stress free. Full of happiness and joy. Everything easy, simple and care-free.

Just thinking about my naivete makes me want to laugh hysterically. Or maybe just have hysterics, screw the laughter.

Our last move, despite being a DITY move, had a TON of lead time. We have plenty of lead time for this one as well, but working right up until we move is stressing me out. Between trying to convince Einstein to rent, looking at houses, researching mortgage options, separating out the stuff we're packing with us, saying goodbye to friends, etc etc etc I feel like I am losing my mind.

Don't even get me started on job hunting. Once I have my feet under me again, I have a whole series of posts fleshed out on why librarian is the best milspouse job ever, milspouse jobs in general and other related topics. But I'm too busy trying to find a job to post it! I feel a little crazy...when we moved here, I allowed myself to wait until we were moved in to start looking, but this time around I feel like I need to find a job BEFORE we get there. Which is nearly impossible, honestly. Although I may die trying.

Preparing to PCS

2009-04-16T20:21:00.003-05:00

I've been busy trying to get ready for the big move. In some ways this move is much simpler than our move here, but in other ways, it has been really complicated.

Simply put, we're buying a house.

At least, I think we are.

Maybe we're crazy. I don't want a house. Houses are expensive, they require mortgages (I am debt phobic), you are responsible for them, etc. I would much rather live in an apartment or rent a house. Really.

I'm also enough of a dyed in the wool rebel that the idea of buying a house because "everyone says we should! Look at the housing market!" makes me want to avoid home ownership like the plague.

I don't have a job there, yet. I don't know if I will be able to find a job there.

But Einstein really wants to buy a house. After weeks of listening to his arguments and viewing all of the pretty pictures our realtor (we have a REALTOR) has been sending us, I'm starting to go over to the dark side.

I mean, honestly. Einstein refuses to live on base (we all have our quirks). Rental houses there are ridiculously overpriced (compared to mortgages) and apartments are overpriced, small, and in undesirable areas.

Home ownership was on my mental list for "Things we will do when Einstein retires from the Air Force". I was not, am not, prepared for it right now. I know some of you rent and some of you own, and frankly, right now I am willing to hear ANY thoughts or advice you might have.

I'm not a fence-sitter by nature, but I am totally on the fence on this one!

lame lame lame

2009-03-22T23:56:00.002-05:00

That's how I feel right now.

I miss Einstein. He's TDY. This wouldn't be so bad, but for two things:

1) Two of our most wonderful friends got married this weekend. Weddings make me sappy...especially now.

2) The upcoming assignment-of-deployements...I keep thinking: this is my life now. My very alone life.

Sigh.

Wow, I'm pathetic. I apologize in advance to those who have it worse than I. Any tips for coping with short (relatively), VERY frequent deployments? Anyone????

Uniform confusion

2009-03-15T12:12:00.005-05:00

Einstein's brother is in the Army.

We're headed up to visit him, and while we are there, he'll be graduating from the training he is at right now. This has led to some confusion as to what uniform to wear. Since we rarely get a chance to talk with Einstein's brother, I asked his folks if the invitation they had received had a note about the uniform. They had no clue. Einstein finally got a chance to talk to his brother this weekend, and was told that the UOD was "greens".

Since there is no green Air Force uniform (except his flight suit, which I'm fairly sure is inappropriate for the ceremony we're attending) I set out on the internet to find out whether "greens" meant Einstein should wear his blue service dress or his mess dress.

The answer (which is what I assumed anyway) is service dress.

But in the process I discovered reason number 472 why I love the Air Force. When Einstein is trying to decipher the appropriate uniform for the occassion, here are his choices: mess dress, service dress, blues, ACU's/flight suit. That's it. The comparison chart I found is INSANE. Class A, B, C, D; green, blue, white, summer, winter, etc etc. How do you keep it straight? Do you have an entire other closet for all of those uniforms? I feel like the four we have to deal with (blues and service dress are basically the same) take over my closets as it is!

**Einstein is demanding that I include the fact that he wishes the AF would hurry up and do the uniform switch over they've been talking about for the past five years, because he thinks the current service dress makes them look like airline pilots. I think the "new" proposed service dress makes them look like they are going to take orders from Emperor Palpatine. If you want to see the proposed change, look here.

Are all of those different uniforms confusing? How often do people mess up and wear the wrong thing?

Since Einstein's brother is in the Army and his two best friends are in the Navy and the Marines...I saved this for future reference.

Is being a Mil-Spouse enough of a job?

2009-03-04T21:20:00.003-06:00

We are getting ready to PCS.

This, of course, means that I have had to quit my job. Although I will be working right up until the PCS, I've already given notice. I have also started to look for jobs in our next location. Doing all of this has led me to think about several different things.

1) How do people cope when they know they will be working at a job for the "rest of their lives"? When I've had a bad day (or a bad week!) I often remind myself: this is only for here, for now! The next base will be different. New places, new chances. Maybe I'm crazy, but I like starting over every few years. It gives me a chance to try new things (being a Children's Librarian, instead of a Teen Librarian!) and meet new people, and I love it.

2) At the same time that I feel crazy for quitting a job in this economy, I know I don't have much of a choice. Einstein's new job is deployment intensive, but even if he is only home a few weeks a year, I want to be with him for those weeks. I am, however, pretty concerned that another professional position in my field will be a long time in coming.

3) Is being a mil-spouse enough of a job? Very few of my friends at this base work outside the home. They seem to enjoy their lives more. There have been weeks when Einstein and I have felt like two ships passing in the night, because our work schedules allowed us little time together. I would imagine that feeling can only be worse when he will be home so infrequently. So I find myself wondering: if I can't find a job (due to the economy or due to my own inclination not to take a non-library position), will it be enough just to be a mil-spouse? I look back at my old post about not enjoying the time I had as an "unemployed" person and think, yes! That's right! Remember how I said I would appreciate it more next time?? I should appreciate it!

Einstein and I were discussing the other evening regarding the fact that military spouses frequently pick up the slack. Whether it is his schedule or the social obligations (and I don't care what they say about the new enlightened Air Force, if a spouse volunteers for squadron stuff, it is noticed) there is plenty that needs to get done. It is hard enough right now to get things done with his schedule and mine...I can't imagine how impossible it will be when we have kids (not any time soon, with apologies to my mother and mother-in-law).

I do think it is enough of a job. In fact, I would argue that it is more than a full-time job, so anyone who does any work (at home or outside of it) besides just being a mil-spouse is doing double duty.

That said, I'm applying for everything I can find, because if he's only home a couple of weeks a year, I'm going to need something.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-11T18:37:00.002-06:00

Einstein and I don't really...celebrate...Valentine's day. Our first February 14th as a couple, we ate at McDonald's. I had a gift for him, but he had forgotten that it was V-day...so after that, we just sort of forgot about it as a holiday. He does enough sweet stuff other days...although last year, he did bring me breakfast in bed!!! (I love breakfast in bed. It is my favorite thing EVER!)

Today, however, I got the sweetest Valentine ever!

One of my storytime regulars presented me with a Valentine (and Hershey's Kisses, yum!). It was ADORABLE, especially since she also had one for each of our "regular" puppets. I nearly died from the cuteness. Now my assistant and I just have to remember to give her a thank you from the puppets during the next puppet show.

How?

2009-01-28T20:35:00.004-06:00

How do you decide between the assignment you don't want and the assignment you REALLY don't want? I mean, when there are a total of, say, seven possible assignments. And you don't really want any of them, because there are other assignments ranked "above" them, but NO ONE is getting those.

So how do you choose? How much input do you (the spouse) have? Do you base it on his happiness or your probability of getting a decent job?

Honestly, for all the difference it will probably make (since it is, technically, needs of the Air Force that decide it) we might as well rank it by the restaurants each possible station has. At least then I could have some decent food.

A public library without internet

2009-01-25T17:56:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was "my" Saturday to work (the staff rotates, I usually only have to do it once a month or so). I got to work, logged in, started doing work, and then I noticed:

No internet. Unfortunately, the problem was NOT at our end, and thus we had to wait on our provider to fix the issue.

They promised to have it fixed on by Monday afternoon.

That means that we were without internet the ENTIRE DAY. While some people do in fact visit the library to check out books, the vast majority of our patrons come for one reason and one reason only: to access the internet. Most Saturdays we have anywhere from a half an hour to an hour wait for the computers all day. Since our main draw was down, I settled in for a long, quiet day.

Oh, how wrong I was! We were ridiculously busy all day. And not just busy telling people "No, the internet is down. No, it won't be back up today" although I said that plenty. You see, while some of the people who would normally come in just for the computers turned around and left, the majority (or so it seemed) actually checked out books! And asked questions not related to computers!

I also noticed another telling fact: normally on Saturdays, I am hoarse by about 2:30. This is from yelling things like "No running in the library! We walk in the library! No, please don't spin that! That chair is meant for sitting! Gentle, please! Please don't throw books!" over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over.

You get the idea.

Yesterday, I didn't yell at a single child. Not once! Which is not to say that I didn't have kids running or tossing books; there were a few. But an interesting thing happened: their parents told them to stop. This doesn't normally happen because their parents are usually in the computer lab, looking at email/MySpace/whatever. Instead, they were with their kids, watching them, and, dare I say it, parenting.

Maybe I will try to convince my boss to get rid of the internet permanently...

JUST KIDDING. Not having internet sort of feels like having one of my limbs chopped off, and free internet access is a vital part of our service to the community. But still, not losing my voice was nice.

Really, really good friends

2009-01-18T14:29:00.003-06:00

I know that people in the milspouse blogsphere talk a lot about how civilians don't get it. And sometimes, they just don't, like LAW's coworkers. I've blogged before about friends who don't understand the basics of military life and family members who are truly oblivious.

But there are some friends who, while they may not "get" it, are always willing to offer a listening ear. I have one friend, in particular, who is fantastic about this. She truly wants to understand what is going on in my life (and Einstein's). She asks intelligent questions, remembers acronyms (!!!!), and is always willing to lend a sympathetic ear.

I don't know what I would do without her.

Although she lives 1,000+ miles away right now, I've been relying on her a lot lately. I love my military friends, but it can be difficult to support each other when we are all dealing with the same frustrations. I feel petty complaining about my own apprehension over not knowing what Einstein will fly in the future and when and where we are moving next when all of my friends here are in the same boat.

I just spent 5 minutes trying to think of a way of expressing that thought without using the word "boat", since it sounds so Navy... ;)

So my far-away friend has been a godsend lately. I hope she knows how much I appreciate her sympathetic ear and understanding emails. They mean the world to me!

I hate waiting to find out what is coming next. It is driving me CRAZY. I'm a planner, and not being able to plan out the rest of this year is driving me up the wall. I guess I'd better get used to it, though, huh?

I could pretend it hasn't been nearly 2 months since I updated...

2009-01-13T20:55:00.003-06:00

Or I could allude to it in the title and then post about something else entirely!!

Two things, tonight!

One: It cracks me up how many ways the military is like middle school. This might just be pilot training, with its over abundance of barely out of college, testosterone laden heavy drinking idiots. Not that a lot of people drank in my middle school. It grew up in the sticks, but we weren't that weird!

At any rate, the gossip around here astounds me! It is so crazy. He said, she said, then this, then that. I don't believe anything I hear about anyone anymore. In fact, I don't even believe my own husband when he tells me something. I always ask for his source, and how they supposedly know what they "know". Even then, I don't really trust it.

Two: I love knowing how to make Google divulge more than it would with a simple keyword search. For all of you who love all things library related (or just want to find what you're looking for), check out this link:

http://faculty.valencia.cc.fl.us/infolit/Google/help.htm

Some of it is a little arcane, but wow. I used this a billion times today. Literally.

OOooooh, and 3, even though I only said 2 things!

Three: My husband looks awfully good in a flight suit. That is all.

I don't understand

2008-12-01T21:05:00.003-06:00

My mother has made a very strange request.

She wants a picture of Einstein and I for the family Christmas letter.

She wants a picture of Einstein and I where he ISN'T in uniform.

Uhm?

I'm trying to understand this request. It wouldn't be a problem, except for the unfortunate fact that other than pictures where he is in uniform, the only pictures we have of the past year are ones where either one of us (or both of us) is inebriated or where I look hideous. Truly awful.

So I told her I didn't have a photo of us that fit her requirements, and asked if I could just send her one with him in uniform.

She said no, she wanted one that was about "our" life and not "his" life.

WHAT? This IS my life. This is OUR life. The military is not some strange hobby of his; it is our life. Yes, I have my own career, my own hobbies. But seriously...I just don't get it.

My mom is not anti-military. She has never seemed to have a problem like this one in the past. I know she is frustrated because most of the pictures that I send are of him with planes, but honestly, that's what we take pictures of! Sorry! That and cheesy shots of my Christmas tree, but whatever.

I don't know if anyone has any insights; I'm not sure what to think.

The Holidays...and other ramblings

2008-11-20T19:23:00.004-06:00

Is it just me, or does mandatory fun seem to increase exponentially the closer we get to Christmas??

If I have to go to one more tea, coffee, lunch, brunch, reception, party, event or bbq (or plan one more!!!) I may scream. It probably just seems worse because not only are there are the various levels of parties to attend for Einstein, but my own obligations are in full swing.

Frankly, I loathe holiday parties. I know, Scrooge-y of me, but I don't care. I love Christmas, but I like staying at home, baking, decorating, etc. I hate buying useless white elephant gifts. It seems so...wasteful.

Why yes, I am that person who opts out of the secret santa/office gift exchange/whatever and makes everyone else feel gluttonous by suggesting we donate to charity instead. Sorry.

I like entertaining...but paying $$ for tickets to the squadron holiday party...not so much. I like going to people's houses for dinners, chill hanging out, etc...but not forced festivity. So sue me.

I swear, my real name is not Ebeneezer!

Thanks for the comments on the last post; I'm feeling much better about it. Mostly because I looked at pay scales for other parts of the country and remembered just how far below average the pay is here, haha. :-D

In happier holiday news, Einstein and I have all of our Advent provisions (ie, wreath and calendar) laid in. I am planning to make Chex mix and put up the tree next weekend (after my second favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, yay!!). Also, I finally managed to order my lefse (Norwegian food, can't have a holiday without it!) and it should be arriving pre-Thanksgiving.

Ooooh! An out-take from my day today!

The setting: Having lunch midday at a (library) conference, sitting with coworker: I peer into my boxed lunch (which was sadly inadequate, btw).

Me: Hmmm...salad, chips, fork...*roots around* WHERE IS THE COOKIE??
Coworker: What? You don't have a cookie?? Wait, *I* don't have a cookie, EITHER!
Me (looking around at other's lunches with a growing sense of foreboding): I don't think anyone has a cookie.
Coworker: No way. Did they not realize this was a library conference??
Me: There had better be cookies during the afternoon breakout, or I am pulling ALA membership cards and taking names.

Thankfully, we emerged at the middle of the afternoon session to find trays of brownies and cookies. It was close, though. Because no way would my boss have given me my professional development credits for a conference without cookies. They are mandatory at any event involving librarians.

Somehow this time of year always manages to depress me...

2008-11-16T19:32:00.003-06:00

And by this time of year, I mean the time of year when most public libraries give out stability pay/retention bonuses/whatever they want to call it. Basically, the longer you've worked there, the more money you get. It is also the time of year when I look over the pay charts for the next year and contemplate the simple fact that I will never work in one place long enough to make decent money.

The key to being well paid as a librarian is 1) find a job in a non-public library and then 2) work there until you die or retire, whichever comes first.

I have failed on both counts.

But even public libraries pay decently if you've worked there for a few years. Unfortunately, the likelihood that I will ever work anywhere for more than three years is decidedly small. I hate always having to start at the bottom. I hate not being considered for promotions or more responsibility because I'm going to be moving on in a few years, and my employers know it. I hate feeling underpaid (and undervalued).

In the end I'm doing work that I really love, and so is Einstein. It doesn't get much better than that, even though I'll never have the earning potential of my non-nomadic colleagues.

Best Patron Interaction EVER

2008-11-02T18:45:00.002-06:00

Earlier this week an incredibly cute child came into the library looking for Curious George books. I am a huge fan of C. George; seriously, my love knows no bounds. So I was happy to show this little guy (four years old, I'm guessing) where "George" hangs out in the library.

He was ecstatic. He couldn't believe how many Curious George books we had. His dad patiently helped him select six of them, which he then walked over to the youth desk (one book at a time) to show me. I grabbed some of the Curious George stickers I had in my office to give to him; he gave three to his dad for safekeeping and carefully applied the fourth one to his shirt. Then he turned to me, and with true devotion on his face, said:

"You turned my shirt into a Curious George shirt. Thank you!"

Then, as they walked out the door, I overheard this conversation:

Dad: These librarians sure are nice, aren't they?

Little Boy: Yeah!

Dad: Do you like the library?

Little Boy: OH YES!

And that, my friends, is why I love my job.

An ode to the new fiscal year

2008-10-08T20:36:00.004-05:00

Okay, I'm not actually sure about the poetic conventions of an ode, so I'm just going to write.

I LOVE THE NEW FISCAL YEAR.

New budget. New money. Vendors (book vendors, mostly) wining and dining me, trying to get their hands on some of that glorious new-fiscal-year largesse. Librarians don't get wined and dined much. We mostly get free pens. Sometimes a note pad. OH! And free stickers (sometimes scratch-and-sniffs!) when you order a certain amount of stuff from Upstart. But the new fiscal year brings the vultures (I mean, book vendors) running.

And it is GLORIOUS.

I mean, a couple of free lunches is not really that big of a deal. I used to work for a huge district, where we regularly got comped for meals, etc. But its been awhile. Also, when vendors pay for lunch, I don't have to worry about turning in receipts. So yeah.

Most importantly, though, vendors bring me books. So what happens when a vendor visits, other than the fact that they take me to lunch? Well, they usually bring PILES AND PILES (literally) of books. I spend all morning (sometimes all day) going through their books, picking the ones I like. I give them back to the vendor in yes and no piles. And then, magically, a week later, I receive boxes of books. And C comes to me and says "Nomad! You have books! Piles of them!" And I am happy.

Also, the vendors who don't come in person will just SEND you the books. You sort through them, and then ship back what you don't want, which is actually a lot of fun.

Let's be honest here. I like shopping. My favorite thing to shop for? Books!

My job, for the past week or so? Nothing but book shopping, baby. Yet another reason I love being a librarian.

Banned Books Week

2008-09-29T21:46:00.004-05:00

Intellectual freedom is important. Information should flow freely. Censorship is always lurking around the corner (and no, I'm not being sarcastic).

Now that I've discharged my duties as a card carrying member of the American Library Association, a funny story about banned books week.

Every library I have EVER worked at has done the same display for Banned Books Week: A bunch of books on the ALA's most challenged list surrounded by crime scene tape. It's a pretty cool looking display, if a tad overdone.

So I dutifully gathered up a bunch of books to put on the display this week, only to be told by one of my coworkers (the aforementioned C) that we don't like to draw attention to Banned Books Week at my current library.

Apparently, the last time they did a display of frequently challenged books, they had patrons lodge challenges against half of the books in the display by the end of the week. I sort of didn't believe him, but hey, it saved me looking for crime scene tape- I just put out some "Read Banned Books" bookmarks and called it a day.

One final story...two kids were discussing the bookmarks today:

Kid 1: You can BAN BOOKS??

Kid 2: Sweet. We should ban *insert name of frequently maligned classic work here*, and just watch the movie instead.

Kid 1: Totally! That is such a great idea!

I didn't have the heart to tell them that the movie is nowhere near as good as the book. :-D

Pilot Training, Part IV

2008-09-17T19:27:00.003-05:00

Drinking.

The number one thing I wish I'd had a heads up on ahead of time.

The college I attended for my undergrad was fraternity/sorority free, but there was still PLENTY of booze. Trust me. My friends and I drank. A lot. I'd seen keg stands, power hours and just about every other bit of asinine drinking tomfoolery standard to the American college experience.

Then I went out, got a job (I did grad school while working, the beauty of mostly online classes!) and found out that, as I'd often suspected, people in the real world didn't start off the evening by doing shots. Since I had never been a huge fan of the binge drinking I'd encountered in college, it was easy to adjust my expectations to a glass of wine with dinner and cocktails on Friday nights.

Einstein was not a drinker. While he would occasionally drink a beer or have a rum and coke with something, he found my fondness for vodka tonics strange to say the least. (Although my love of peppermint schnapps was easier to understand, apparently!) So when we married, I assumed my life would continue on much as it had in my new grown-up world, with the occasional glass of wine, and a bottle of rum lasting months while gathering dust in my cupboard.

And then we arrived at pilot training.

I will spare you the urban legends about various forms of liquor, bar rules and other idiocy I've encountered. Suffice it to say, I have now attended "mandatory fun" parties where people did shots until everyone was absolutely falling down drunk. No event is complete- or even started- without liquor. And I don't just mean a bbq with some cold brewskies. I mean out and out, frat boy, "Animal House" style, shots until you puke drinking.

**Quick note: I have NEVER seen anyone FORCED to drink. I know a lot of people who are non-drinkers are often worried that they will be forced to drink. On the contrary, the people I know who do not drink (mostly for religious reasons) are never given guff about not drinking. They are often in the unenviable position of being sober around a bunch of drunk people, but that's another story...

So yeah. I was surprised, to say the least. I wish I had known ahead of time, not so much because I am anti-drinking, but because it is so central to the culture. It was a huge shock the first time I walked into an Assignment Night and saw the hordes of drunks in flight suits. Also, I should have included WAY more money in our budget for liquor, especially since there are a number of flights in the syllabus where it is customary to buy your Instructor Pilot a bottle of their favorite liquor.

Oooh, and there is definitely a wife=DD frame of mind. I cannot tell you the number of Fridays I have driven back on base with a car full of drunk LTs. The gate guards are usually hugely sympathetic when I fork over a handful of LT ID's with my dependent one. I even get the occasional "good luck Ma'am" when they are being especially rowdy. And Einstein's class is considered to be tame and practically anti-partying, compared to the norm!

But yeah. I now negotiate nights off of DDing, because hey, I'm planning (at some point) to give up drinking entirely for pregnancy and breastfeeding, so I figure I deserve a few nights off of DD duty now!

Statistics

2008-09-13T07:11:00.002-05:00

Most good libraries keep statistics. We have counters at the door to count the number of people in and out. We count the number of books checked out. And, in every library I've worked in, we've counted the questions we're asked. There are usually different types of questions: directional (where's the bathroom/where are the audio books), computer (how do I print), ready reference (What's the capital of Hungary), title (do you have Skippyjon Jones) and reference (I need information about asthma).

I'm proposing a new category. I'm going to call it "Yelling" or perhaps "Chastising" but let's be honest, mostly I yell. All summer long the library was packed with kids, and well we did have the occasional behavioral problem, it was mostly great. Now that school is back in session, it is pretty quiet during the day...but after school hours are a DISASTER. The little monsters are everywhere, tearing down displays, running (literally) rampant through the stacks and knocking over senior citizens, destroying my toddler toys, STEALING things out of the youth desk when there isn't anyone there (we're short handed, this month).

I am going crazy. I've been getting ready to do some redecorating and put in some cool (and cheap) literacy activiities, some new toy type things, etc. But I can't because they will destroy them!

The next time I have to tell a child more than ten times "No running in the library" I'm going to make them sit next to me and cut out stickers.

No, there are no parents with these children. After all, the library is merely a source of free after school child care.

Pilot Training, Part III

2008-09-11T19:28:00.002-05:00

As I've mentioned before, I got a ton of unasked for advice about how busy Einstein would be, how much my life would suck, etc.

Before I move on to the subject of today's post, I am going to go ahead and say, yes, Einstein is busy. Yes, some nights (like tonight) I come home and make dinner and know that he won't eat it with me. Boo hoo. I don't think pilot training is anyone's ideal of newlywed life, but it is not horrible. He gets weekends off, even if he does spend most of the weekend studying. We live amongst a super close community of people our age all dealing with the same issues. Also, the noise of jets overhead is just plain (plane?? haha pun!) cool. But yes. The rumors are true. Expect that of the 13 months of training, your spouse will spend at least 6 of them (if not more) working full 12 hour days, and studying most of the other 12 per day. Accept the long hours, see "Pilot Training, Post II", stock up on Lean Cuisines, and move on.

Now, on to address what I consider to be the most difficult part of pilot training. The emotional work. And I do mean work. Pilot training is mentally and physically exhausting, but the emotional exhaustion that the students struggle with is harder. The always hanging overhead knowledge that you are in direct competition with the other students in your class. The "tough love" or really, just tough, teaching methods of some of the Instructor Pilots. The fact that the pace never lets up- there is always something coming up that must be studied for and prepared. I thought that Einstein had the market cornered on mental (and emotional) toughness. I still think he does, in comparison to some of the dudes we know here.

BUT. It is so hard to find the emotional reserves to be his supporter and cheerleader. Especially on days like today, when I would like a little attention myself. It is hard to maintain the "Hey, you can do it!" attitude when you know that your location and lifestyle depend on how well he does in training. His frustration, mostly with himself, can be hard to deal with. The pressure is intense, and emotions run high.

So that is what I struggle with the most: keeping my own emotions on an even keel and helping him deal with the ups and downs of UPT. I've come to accept the highs and lows, and mostly just focus on reminding him how much I love him and how much faith I have in him.

Absent friends

2008-09-07T20:18:00.003-05:00

Earlier this year one of our friends died. I posted about it then, and then took the post down because it was too soon, and it hurt too much and I just....didn't feel like talking about it.

It was a very different sort of grief then I had ever experienced before...unlike any loss I had known before.

For a variety of reasons- people moving on and feeling ready to talk about him, Einstein being at the same place in training, talking about things that we did with him, hearing songs on the radio that make me think of him, whatever- our friend has come up in conversation more and more in the past few weeks.

And suddenly, it's like it just happened, all over again. It scares me. I've never felt this before; always before, when I've lost some one, I've gone through all the stages of grief sequentially and neatly, like a good little girl.

The other night, lying in bed, I asked my husband if he had noticed it too. I asked him if it was causing the same fears it was in me; fears of plane crashes and knocks on the door. He said it was. I still don't know if I'm relieved or horrified that my husband is just as scared of that as I am.

But I do know that we miss you, my friend.

So I propose a toast: To absent friends.

Why I love storytime

2008-08-27T20:04:00.002-05:00

Today we had storytime. It was fantastic. One of the books I read was "When Dinosaurs Came with Everything" by Elise Broach. One of the things I like the best about working as a children's librarian is the sheer enthusiasm that little kids have. When I worked with teens, they never got that excited. About anything.

So the excitement of my crowd of preschoolers as I read this cute picture book about a little boy who sets out with his mom on a day of boring errands and discovers (to his delight and his mother's dismay) that today, they are giving out dinosaurs- real ones- with everything, was pretty much overwhelming. They LOVED it. And I loved them, with their open smiley faces and eyes that drank in every illustration.

This is the reason that I will continue looking for youth librarian jobs everywhere we move. It would be much easier to get a job as an information broker or database indexer (very portable, work from home options for those with an MLS). The job search at each new locale is worth it though, to see those happy little faces.

Why, yes, I am a huge sucker for kids. Why do you ask?

Also, I am planning to get back to my pilot training series. I swear. Also, I'm thinking about a post about why being a librarian is the ideal milspouse career...stay tuned.

Does this bother anyone else?

2008-08-23T20:13:00.004-05:00

If you listen to country music, you've heard them. What I like to call the "death songs". They never fail to make me cry.

They're about men and women in uniform dying. (Usually men, but we'll save the rant on sexism for later.) "If You're Reading This" by Tim McGraw. "Bagpipes Cryin'" by Rushlow Harris. You get the idea. The other day driving to work I heard "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood.

If you've heard the song you know its about the same as all the others, with the difference that it is a woman singing. Anyway, a few days later I was working out at the gym, watching CMT. The video for the song came on. Objectively, it is a pretty good video, other than the crappy computer graphics when they are turning her wedding dress into a black mourning dress.

Subjectively, it pisses me off. The whole feel of the video is "old"- definitely very forties/fifties- and it makes me feel like they (whoever they are) are trying to deny that people in the military are dying today, while still trying to cash in on public awareness and sympathy for those killed in action. Maybe I feel that way because I know for a fact that most people in the US have no real sympathy for the military and their sacrifices; I often feel like the articles in PEOPLE and songs like the ones above are the manifestation of an obsession much like the one with Britney Spears:

People are willing to watch, and chide, and offer opinions and condemnation that do not one single helpful thing. They want to see each gory detail played out; see the tears on each widow's face, watch endless video of a soldier hugging her kids as she leaves on her third deployment in five years, sigh and shake their heads sadly at the Memorial Day newspaper with photos of young widows crying in Arlington. What they DON'T want to do is take any responsibility for the situation. Nor do they want to do constructive things to help.

Now, I'm not saying everyone is like this. But I honestly think that the vast majority of people like to pretend they are entitled to be voyeurs and users of military grief without ever giving back. It is sort of like when people come up to Einstein and thank him for his service. This drives him crazy, because he's never been deployed. Also, because right now the Air Force is paying him to do his favorite thing in the world: fly. While he is busy trying to come up with a coherent response ("You're welcome" is usually what he settles for, but we both agree that it feels a little brusque), I'm usually trying really hard not to ask that person if they ever do anything for our troops. Do you write letters? Send cards to deployed service members? Take a casserole to the house of that National Guard wife? Fine, you saw my husband in Walgreens or whatever and thanked him, but do you ever go out of your way to do something for military folks?

Ditto to those folks with the little yellow Support Our Troops magnets- I used to joke with Einstein that I was going to go around with a little pre-printed note with real ways to support the troops to stick under the magnets every time I saw them in a parking lot. But I decided that the paper waste would be too much for the environment to take, so I nixed the idea.

Wow. This turned into a huge rant. Sorry about that. But it still pisses me off.

Pilot Training, Part II

2008-08-18T21:29:00.003-05:00

The best advice I have for coping with pilot training:

Find a job/hobby/volunteer gig/start a home business.

Doesn't matter what you do, but you need your own thing. Maybe it is because so many of the spouses are newly married and just out of undergrad, but that seems to be a hard one for people to follow. People are also hesitant to look for jobs because they will be moving soon (keep in mind, UPT is thirteen months long, so you'll most likely be there at LEAST that long! And don't get me started on how the pipeline is backed up right now coming out of UPT).

Don't get me wrong. I understand that the cities where UPT bases are located are not exactly metropolises (also, why is it metropolises? shouldn't it be metropoli? I digress...) but if you can't find a job in your field, you can find something that will at least engage your brain and give you something to look forward to while your spouse is gone 12 hrs a day and studying another 6 on top of that.

I have a full time job. This keeps me more than occupied. But if a full time job is not your style (for whatever reason) or just not in the cards, here are some other things I've seen people do successfully:
-Start a business (Mary Kay/whatever or something of your making)
-Volunteer (on base or off)
-Offer to run spouse groups
-Train for a triathlon (seriously, the girl I know who does this is SO BUFF)
-Take a class- online courses are your friend! There are so many legit schools with awesome programs, look around!
-Take a class- community ed! check out you local library! Cooking, languages, ballet for adults oh my!
-Part time/substitute gig
-Write (and publish!) a book
-Work on reading through the literary canon (The woman who does this is so cool, she is always reading something totally awesome and looking to talk about it).

I'm not saying you have to go overboard. But find something that is just yours, even if it is only a couple hours a week and then OWN it. Be excited about it, talk about it, enjoy it, make your spouse learn at least something about it. You'll be a lot happier, trust me. All the people I've met who are happy and dealing well with the stress of a spouse in UPT have something of their own that keeps them occupied. I hate to be all "just think positive" but seriously, find something that at least adds to your happiness and then focus on that.

**Disclaimer: I have no children. My advice is for people who also have no kids. If you have kids and your spouse is in UPT, you are a better soul than I. But from observation I can tell you that it is very doable whether you work outside the home or not. I know lots of ladies who manage it with style and grace.

Pilot Training, Part I

2008-07-29T18:19:00.004-05:00

Before Einstein and I married, we knew he was headed to pilot training. Air Force UPT (Undergraduate Pilot Training) is 13 months of twelve hour duty days, endless studying and emotional exhaustion.

In other words, it is like most military training.

Amongst my Air Force friends (and I had a lot, even without that fancy brown card!) UPT had gathered a mystique. Whether or not their husbands were pilots, my friends gleefully gave me a metric ton of unasked for advice:

"Don't plan on talking to him for a year!"

"My husband was too busy to hug me. It was the worst year of my life, and of our marriage."

"You shouldn't even bother moving there. It's not like you will see him anyway."

The last bit of advice was one that I heard from numerous sources. Obviously, I didn't follow it. Looking back now, at roughly the halfway point (almost!!) I have to say that it was hands down the worst piece of advice that I was given. I'm going to try to write a little series on pilot training, with my advice for those wives/girlfriends/fiancees who are headed into those dreaded 13 months. I hope that my advice is more reassuring than any of the advice I received.

I'm planning to concentrate on different aspects and problems we've faced. I have a feeling most of it will be applicable across the military, not just to AF pilots. I will probably end up repeating things that most of my reader's already know. But maybe it will be handy for that scared, research and internet dependent woman like me, who was hoping for some ray of sunshine and practical advice in the sea of negativity.

My motivation is gone

2008-07-25T09:09:00.003-05:00

I love my job.

I love my job.

I love my job.

(Seriously, I do.)

Summer, however, kills me. My public school childhood hardwired the three month vacation into me and I am SO DONE with working during the summer. I want to sleep in, lay by the pool, take afternoon naps, eat picnic lunches and swim all day. And I have not had a single spare moment to do any of those things. I want my summer!!!

The obvious solution is to become a school librarian *insert hysterical laughter here*.

Honestly, I have this sneaking suspicion that summer isn't half as relaxing as a grown-up, even if you don't have to go to work. It's just that a lot of my IRL friends are not working outside the home right now and they seem to be having so much fun this summer. I want to have some too!

*Note: I really appreciate school librarians. I think they are amazing people, and I wouldn't do their job for a million dollars...which is obviously far far higher than the average librarian's salary. Literally, the thought of working in a school library makes me ill. Even with three months "off" in the summer.

Collection development

2008-07-22T19:23:00.002-05:00

Librarian post ahead.

So one of the main parts of my job is ordering books and other materials for my library. Specifically, since I am a children's librarian, for people ages 0-12. This is really really hard.

Why? Because I used to be a teen librarian. I know what is appropriate for teens. I know what they like. I know what's new, which authors are cool, which one's teachers like (and assign!) and what is so last week. Kids? Not so much. Library school (and general library work) have given me a pretty decent clue about picture books and a few chapter books, but most of the time I am adrift, trying to learn a whole new age group.

It's good. It's broadening my horizons.

It makes me take FOREVER to complete one stupid order. After the fifth inquiry about when I would have an order list completed, I finally broke down and confessed to our collections librarian today. It went something like this:

"C, I have to look up every book to read reviews,"

"What? You mean to check if we have it already? The system will auto-notify you!"

"No. Because I have no idea what these books are about. I look up review for every single one."

It was hard. It was ugly. But it bought me a few days on my order. (Also C wasn't mad, just amused that I hadn't confessed earlier.)

Also, spending tens of thousands of dollars on books makes me want to go to the bookstore for myself really, really badly. Since, you know, it is definitely NOT ethical to sneak my own book wants into a purchase order.

Unending Anticipatory Grief

2008-07-15T21:47:00.003-05:00

Okay. I spend enough time on Spousebuzz to realize that anticipatory grief is a pretty normal thing in the milspouse world.

My problem is that I can't turn it off, and there is no end in sight. Any day that Einstein flies is one where I fear for his safety. This isn't a problem with rational thought; trust me when I say that I know flying is safe, that Einstein is a good pilot (for a student, anyway!), that really pilot is a pretty safe job when all things are considered, and that in a training environment everyone is on their toes, etc etc etc. I get it.

I think about his death every single day. Several times each day. On the way to work. When I get to work. On my lunch break (what if they were looking for me while I was at McDonald's???). When I get home. While I wait for him to come home. I rehearse the knock, how it would happen if I was at work. It is to the point where I pick up the house before I leave in case he dies while I'm at work and I have people all over our house that night. I think about my clothes, and whether that is what I want to be wearing when they tell me my husband is dead.

The past few nights Einstein has gotten home later than anticipated for various reasons. I go into panic mode immediately, calling other wives to see if any of his flight mates are home. I'm not a wreck...it is just always there.

And I can't live like this for the rest of my life. If he were deployed, I could rationalize it. I would expect this level of obsession. But he is going to be flying nearly every day for the next ten years (hopefully! he's a grouch when he doesn't fly!) and I can't sustain this that long. I really can't. And I can't turn it off.

Seriously, how do other people cope?

Maybe you can help me...

2008-07-14T21:45:00.003-05:00

"Maybe you can help me" is seriously my least favorite phrase to hear from a patron.

Dude, I get paid to help you. It is the main component of my job. I went to freaking grad school so that I could help you.

I'm pretty sure I can help you.

Also, what do you say to that? I mean, what do you say that is friendly and customer service oriented? "Yes, I can help you" with a perky smile is my usual reply, but even I get sick of that after awhile.

Oh, Family Gatherings

2008-07-05T17:54:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I feel bad for relatives of military people. I can slot pretty much all of our extended family (and the extended family of our military friends) into four categories:

1) Military relatives. Obviously they "get it." While you may not like their Jalepeño Apple Pie, you don't have to worry about dumb questions from them (usually).

2) Endless Questioners. "So do you really move that much? Can't you just tell them you don't want to deploy? What types of planes are those again? How long is your commitment? Do you think...." The worst form of this is the relatives who don't understand "I can't tell you what I know about that" or "I can't talk about that." I am always embarrassed for them (after all, I know how it feels to be told that Einstein can't tell me something) but I am also constantly shocked at how people try to get around it by continuing to ask questions about a topic he has told them is off limits!!! What is that about??

3) The Know-it-Alls. This type of relative (I have a LOT of this type) are the ones who never served a day in the military in their lives, but know all about the military. They seem to honestly believe that they know it all and are constantly trying to impress Einstein (and whatever other poor souls are sitting on the deck with him) with their encyclopedic "knowledge." Some of these types are fairly harmless, and can even be amusing (the uncle who always tries to finish Einstein's sentences and is crestfallen when he is wrong). Some of them (my uncle) are annoying, patronizing and dead wrong about pretty much everything. ("You'll see how it is after you've been in awhile" Um, excuse me? You were never IN the military!) Also, this type tends to think they know more than me (the little wifey). Naturally, this makes them my least favorite.

4) The Oblivious. These range from those who have no understanding/experience with the military, and who have so little concept of what the lifestyle is like that they do not even realize the differences from their own lives. Some of these are the apathetic relatives, who also tend to be narcissistic. My least favorite is this type are those who actively dismiss you after they hear about the military affiliation. That drives me crazy!

My revelation for the weekend is this: it is hard for the "civilian" relatives to break free from these categories, because if you don't ask a million questions or act like you know it all, I am liable to think you are Oblivious. So what is my perfect relative like?

They are as interested in asking questions about Einstein's life as they are in asking questions about his cousin's med school antics. They never assume they know more than he does. And they don't dwell on it overlong (for instance, trapping Einstein in a corner the entire night of a family barbecue and grilling him about military life) before moving on to other topics.

A quote from ALA past

2008-07-01T21:48:00.003-05:00

To make up for my own dissaointment over missing ALA (the American Library Associations monster yearly conference) this year, I am going to post my favorite quote from ALA's past.

In 1937, Frances Clarke Sayers gave an impassioned address entitled The Nightingale, which focused on how children's librarians needed to combat the tendency to give children books that were dumbed down, that focused on the mundane and easy to understand. Every day I struggle against this same issue. Collection development (which books to buy), reference interviews (which books to recommend), reader's advisory, etc, they all lead me back to this one issue. So I try to keep this quote in mind throughout my day.

She said:

“Of what are we afraid? Of words, of emotion, of experience? We are very tender, it seems to me, of the young,
and tenderness is no preparation for a world half mad and savage. "

So, can we talk about something besides flying now?

2008-06-29T21:24:00.002-05:00

After spending the ENTIRE weekend as the only civilian with a bunch of military pilots-in-training, I can safely say that I really would rather not talk about anything flying related for, oh, hmmm, well, you know, at LEAST a month.

The chances of this are slim to none.

Don't get me wrong. Einstein has wanted to be a pilot as long as I've known him (really, since he was five and went on his first helicopter flight). And he loves flying so much. And I love him so much. He spent years thinking his dream of flying in the military was impossible, and then it was a long process of maybes, and "if this works out" and now he is finally doing what he has always wanted to do and I don't begrudge him a second of it.

I'm only saying that it might be nice to talk about other topics, from time to time. We don't even have to talk about books or libraries or anything like that. We could talk about how Spain defeated Germany today in the EuroCup (hooray!). We could talk about cooking. Or the rising price of gas...but that would lead to talk of jet fuel...

I know lots of families that don't discuss religion or politics at the dinner table. I'm thinking maybe no flying at the dinner table? Just for a few days?

Stop! No hitting in the library!

2008-06-26T21:15:00.002-05:00

Today I had to stop a six year old boy from mauling his sister. I was walking over to the information desk from the back of the stacks (that's shelves, in librarianese) and made the turn just in time to see the young man tackle his slightly older sister to the ground (hard enough that he caused my computer monitor to spin like a top!) and begin to beat the living tar out of her.

And yes, I can say living tar. I live in the South. Deal with it.

So I rushed over and started with the "Stop! We don't hit people in the library!" spiel. I would have added that we don't hit people at all, but I got taken to task once for telling a patron's child that "We don't hit other people EVER" , so now I limit myself to saying "in the library."

I seriously though I was going to have to pry the kid off of his sister. It was out of control. He finally stopped and ran off to destroy one of my display racks. His parents? Nowhere in sight. Sigh.

Also, a conversation between Einstein and I at dinner:

E: And then so and so said "Well, it sure sounds like *insert mysogynistic/anti-woman comment here*"
Me: REALLY? I totally can't believe he said that, he doesn't seem the type.
E: Well, I think he's just like me...it doesn't matter if you believe it, it is just easier to say it once and awhile, you know, to fit in...
Me: OH REALLY? So what kind of things do you say?
E: uhhhhhhhhh. Nothing. I don't say anything at work. Ever.

Conversation with a coworker

2008-06-22T21:33:00.003-05:00

"Wait, your husband is an officer?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. So, why are you working here?"

What I said "Well, *random lame ramblings about my love of libraries and massive student debt*"

What I was thinking, "I really have no idea."

Disclaimer: I love my job. But this was at the end of a looooooooong day.

Yes, we go to bed that early

2008-06-18T20:56:00.002-05:00

Most of my non-military affiliated friends live the life of the young and upwardly mobile or the young and well-trust-funded (tough, I feel for them). This leads to a fair amount of dissonance between our lives and world views. It always has; after all, I could never afford to hire a maid or send my laundry out. (Yes I had friends in college who did those things.)

But the sticking point lately is less about political debates about the necessity of the military or inability to cope with the idea of frequent and seemingly pointless moves around the country.

The sticking point is our bed time. My friends cannot handle the fact that any call to us after 9 PM will not be answered.

Now, I grew up in a house where if you were calling after 9 PM you had better be 1) dead 2) dying or 3) calling about someone else in one of the previous two conditions. This was non-negotiable. My parents are hardcore about very few things, but the 9 PM phone cut off was sacrosanct. I never thought much about it (other than a brief interlude in college where the jealous ex of my roomate's new boyfriend called EVERY NIGHT at 3 AM) and I certainly didn't follow it. But with Einstein's flying schedule and my own work schedule, it makes sense to go to bed at around 9:30. And I need a half and hour of quiet time before I can fall asleep. So if the call comes in after 9, I don't even see it (oh the wonder of cell phones!) until the next morning. Obnoxious? Perhaps. Ornery? Maybe. Ridiculous? No.

Frankly, if you want to talk to me that badly, call me before 9 PM.

I like Summer Reading

2008-06-04T21:26:00.003-05:00

For those of you who don't have a double major in library-ese to go with your major in military-ese, Summer Reading=Summer Reading Program (commonly abbreviated SRP)=a reading program for library patrons (usually kids) that involves some equation of time spent reading/number of books read with prizes.

And guess what, I like it! I like having kids in the library! I like that they are reading (even if the little darlings are probably fudging the number of hours they are reading for). I like all of the kitschy programming. I like doing storytime for 200+ kids. This has made me odd person out at work.

There is actually a countdown on a bulletin board in the staff break room- the number of days until the end of summer reading. Since we are only about a week in, I think it is more depressing than motivating, but hey, at least it gives my coworkers something to complain about!

I'm really having a hard time dealing with the bad attitude about it, though...I mean, seriously, it is a PUBLIC LIBRARY. The more people who know we exist means the more people who might vote yes the next time we have some sort of levy.

Although to be fair, most of their angst seems to stem from the fact that the SRP snuck up on them! How dastardly, a whole season sneaking up on you!

Oh, little garden!

2008-05-30T10:18:00.000-05:00

Einstein and I live in an apartment. Since we don't have a yard for gardening, I have turned to container gardening. This year's crops include (drumroll, please!):

Tomatoes
Beans
Lettuce
Basil (yum!)
Chives
Lemon Thyme
Mint

So far they seem to be thriving, although I worry a little bit that they will not survive the summer. I grew up in the North, and summer below the Mason-Dixon line seems a little, well, harsh. Like, soul sucking heat that is out to kill all living things, me and my baby plants included. Technically, half of them aren't babies, they are perennials from last year, but still.

There are few things that make me happier than coming home and picking things right off the vine for dinner! If you've never tried gardening of any sort and are interested in starting a few pots of tomatoes (or being even more ambitious!) check out The Edible Container Garden by Michael Guerra. It has great photos and excellent blow by blow instructions for all types of plants and containers. It is excellent for all levels of gardener, from the complete neophyte to the experienced gardener who is new to containers, or just looking to branch out from tomatoes!

Also, I love the farmers market. I went to the commissary today and didn't have to buy ANY produce. (Our commissary has the nastiest produce ever). Hooray!

Note to random parent

2008-05-14T18:59:00.003-05:00

Dear Madam,

Thank you for bringing your son into the library. We are so happy to have him in the children's section, and I sincerely hope that your visits to our fine library inspire him to a lifelong love of books.

I'd also like to point out that leaving your child unsupervised in a public place is technically child abandonment and you are so freaking lucky that I didn't call the cops. Since you apparently think that your son is young enough to wander around with a pacifier in his mouth (even though he can walk and talk, although he is hard to understand around the binky!) I am at a loss as to why you think it is okay to leave him all alone in a 40,000 square foot building while you are on the other side of it, completely immersed in your internet surfing.

Just because I am sitting at the desk in the children's area does not mean I am watching your son. Luckily for you, I am a fairly patient person who loves children, and didn't mind him following me around or providing him with some books to look through or things to color with.

BUT. I could have been a child molester. Your son has no sense of stranger danger or where to go or not to go, since he is three. Leaving him unsupervised for over an hour is not only unwise, it is also criminal. Also, looking at me contemptuously when I walked over to you (since you hollered for him from the circulation desk, instead of coming to the children's area to fetch him) and reminded you politely that according to library policy all children under seven must be with an adult at all times did not help your case with me. What really sealed the deal was the "little bitch" comment you made under your breath when I told you that if it happened again, I would call the police.

So I've changed my mind. If you do it again, I will go ninja librarian on your ass.

Sincerely,
Nomad Librarian

I don't have words of my own, for this

2008-05-02T09:03:00.002-05:00

Dirge without music by Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.
Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, --- but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

We'll miss you, dear friend.

Overheard at work today

2008-04-15T22:25:00.003-05:00

"Jimmy, let's go! You've got enough books already!"

"But look, Mom, books on sharks!!!"

"Jimmy, we still have to go to the grocery store. Let's go!"

"Why do we need groceries??? We should get more books instead!"

While books over groceries is not exactly practical, I couldn't help but smile at the little boy's enthusiasm for books and the library. The whole thing made me smile, and in my head I was agreeing with him!

Happy National Library Week!!

2008-04-14T20:36:00.002-05:00

Go visit your library!

Libraries are so much more than just storehouses for books! This last weekend I had a frustrating discussion with a new acquaintance that started like this "So you're a librarian, huh? Isn't that kind of a dying profession? I mean, there's the internet..."

Libraries are essential to the American way of life. Not only because they are collect information and make it available to the public, but because one of the primary missions of any library is to equip its patrons with the ability to discern which information sources are reliable, which contributes to the informed citizenry necessary for truly democratic government. Another vital aspect of democracy is a literate citizenry, and I think most people would be hard pressed to find a group of people more dedicated to literacy than librarians. Whether it is adult literacy classes and book sections or children's storytimes and summer reading programs, literacy is obviously a priority of libraries. So no, I don't think libraries are dying. I think that my profession is one of the most necessary of this century.

Plus, you know, libraries have DVD's and free computers, too.

An email from my MIL

2008-04-06T20:27:00.003-05:00

My mother-in-law is amazing. Every time I hear stories about other people's awful in-law experiences, I become even more thankful for my fantastic in-laws, who I love as much as my own parents. Einstein and I are lucky as hell for a lot of reasons, but having two fantastic sets of parents is where we really hit the lottery.

Gushing aside, though, for the first three or so years that Einstein and I were dating, I thought his mother was a little bit of a flake. She tends to come off a little absent minded (okay, more than a little!) and I was like, "OMG! Does this woman not see the way her family pushes her around?!? And she never even says anything to them!" Keep in mind that my family was definitely run on the lines of "if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy", so a woman who seemed to let her family push her around was way out of my comfort zone.

And then, one day I suddenly realized that all of her ditzy comments? Complete and utter sarcasm! The woman had been making fun of everything, including herself, since I'd met her. So this week she finished off an email filled with family news with this little gem:

"I put some vases of sik flowers on the deck to have the wind blow the dust off on Saturday. Now they are just under a foot of snow. At least they are not dusty."

She slays me. Seriously.

You're gonna miss this...

2008-04-04T09:21:00.003-05:00

I listen to country music.

Mostly because I switch back and forth between VH1 and CMT at the gym in the morning so I never have to watch a commercial, but that is a little beside the point.

The point is that there is a song by Trace Adkins that talks about how you can spend your whole life wishing away your present, thinking about the future. The chorus, for those who don't listen to country, goes:

"You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around...you may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."

The song has gotten me thinking a lot lately about how much time I spend thinking about the future, wishing that things were "different"...and listening to others I think it is especially common among milspouses to wish away the present selectively. For instance, no one sincerely believes that deployments and remote tours should be enjoyed and savored. And yet, at the same time, there are always things happening that we are going to miss. When I think about the years that Einstein and I spent apart, I remember how much it sucked. Believe me, I do. But I also remember awesome friends, learning to live on my own, being independent and impulsive and having sushi for dinner (Einstein hates it).

Which brings me to now. If I had a dollar for every time that some well meaning (military pilot spouse) soul has said "Pilot training is awful! My husband never even had time to hug me!" or "I don't know why you are even moving there with him, you'll never see him!" or "Just get through it, thirteen months and then its over!" I could buy myself a really nice dinner. With as much sushi as I could eat.

It's not fun. I mean, I look at friends who's significant others come home from work at the same time they do and they cuddle and cook together and go for walks, blahblahblah, and it makes me sad, because Einstein comes home, refuses to hug me (more on that story later!), studies and goes to bed. But seriously. Some of the women I spend time with every day think it is going to get better after pilot training. Reality check! It's not. First squadrons, deployments, TDY's, etc etc etc. Which while depressing, begs the question: why aren't we all looking for the things that we enjoy about where we are right now? I'm not talking about being Polly Perky, I'm talking about having good days and bad days and trying to look at the glass half full, not half empty.

So, since Einstein won't be home tonight...SUSHI!!!

Reading books makes me happy

2008-03-24T21:06:00.003-05:00

I love books. I love reading books.

I work all day in a place filled with books. Which means I accumulate them faster than I can read them. My all time high was when I once had 92 books checked out. I never did read them all, I ended up doing a sort of book triage and only reading the ones I really really wanted to. Which was roughly 50 of them.

It hasn't been that bad lately, but it has started to get close. I was down to five (5!!!) books. Okay, really, eight, but two were borrowed from friends and one was purchased, so I really only had five checked out from work. And one of them was a gardening book, which barely even counts! Right.

And then today I went crazy. Book after book after book went into my pile of must-reads. Luckily sanity returned before quitting time and I ended up leaving one at work to read during lunch and brining the other one home.

So now I'm trying to be good and read my "old" books (since they are due in two days!) instead of the shiny new fun one. I'm not sure I have enough willpower left, honestly.

Sometimes I forget

2008-03-11T20:54:00.004-05:00

I was talking with a good friend from undergrad today. After we had gotten caught up on her news (she is recently engaged, yay!) and were just chatting, it came up in conversation that Einstein has what is basically a 12 year commitment to the AF (roughly 2 years pre pilot training + 10 years after). I've known this was how it was going to be for a long time-at least the last 2 years, but apparently my friend either a) never knew or b) forgot this little tidbit.

She was shocked. Once she finished choking on her water she said "Are you going to be in (insert city name) for 12 years, then?"

It was my turn to be shocked.

Uhm, no. We will not be here for 12 years (please, God). Another year or so, then 9 months in another locale, and then on to Einstein's "first" "permanent" station. For four years or so. When I told her that in the next twelve years I am planning on moving at least 4-5 times (at least!!!), there was silence. When I reeled off place names of a couple of the bases we would love to be stationed at, she got even quieter.

It was so strange to have someone who I consider a great friend be so ignorant about the basics of the military lifestyle I live and breathe every day. She was shocked that we hoped to move abroad, shocked that I am fine with moving("Can't you just stay if you like it someplace?"), shocked about everything.

And I was shocked to realize that to her way of thinking, the military is just a job. I wonder how many people think like that?

I found a new snack!

2008-03-07T15:33:00.003-06:00

I have an addiction to potato chips. It's a little sad, actually. Show me a bag and I have no self control. I'm not an advocate of completely cutting a food out, but I have HAD to do that with chips. Even if I have a little snack bag, the next time I see them I can't resist.

And while I like potato chips in general, I really like chips and dip. Especially French Onion dip. I used to eat an entire bag of chips with one (or two) containers of dip for a meal. Or for all my meals for a day. It was disgusting, and I am glad that I don't do it anymore. Although I have to admit I did have some while Einstein was TDY this last fall, but I ate fruits and veggies too! :-)

At any rate, I found a great new snack that gives me the crunch and the yum of my favorite snack without the calories and greasiness! Whole wheat Ritz crackers with Laughing Cow Light French Onion cheese!! Oh my gosh, I had some this morning and it made my day!!

What is it with spring time?!?

2008-03-05T08:26:00.003-06:00

To my Minnesota raised mind, it is very strange indeed to think that March is actually a spring month. But it is! What I really mean by spring, however, is Spring Semester- or at least that time frame, January to May.

For a long, long time (high school for sure, possibly earlier) I have overbooked myself in the spring. Doesn't matter that I have supposedly "learned my lesson" and that I know better- I always end up running around frantically like a chicken with my head cut off, with no time to do anything that needs to get done.

This year is no different. I feel as if I am constantly running from one thing to the next, with a massive list of things left undone trailing behind me like a banner that says "Over-committed! Bad time manager!" I also feel bad because pilot training is completely sucking up Einstein's free time, which means that no one is doing the dishes, laundry or cleaning. And while I don't like living in squalor, I can cope with it. But Einstein has a little Air Force supplied chip in his brain that sees a pile of (clean!) laundry or a floor in need of vacuuming and completely melts down. He can't study in our house. So I struggle to keep things tidy and mostly clean (and he helps a lot, don't get me wrong!) but during the week-especially by Thursday, the house looks like rampaging monsters have hit it.

I think what is really making this spring overbooking harder to deal with than usual is the fact that I don't see an end in sight- at least not until after next spring. But you know what? It will be okay! I will persevere!

True confessions of a children's librarian/milspouse

2008-02-04T21:36:00.000-06:00

1) I haven't read Twilight.
2) I don't make Einstein's lunch.
3) When he's on late rotations, I don't even make dinner. I figure he can make himself toast and eggs as well as I can.
4) I secretly hate when parents come to me for help finding some kind of book "rating" system, or when they request books with only "moral" themes. The real world is not the Christy Miller series, much as I enjoyed them growing up. Let your kids read the classics. I promise it won't scar them for life.
5) I sir and ma'am everyone (enlisted/officer/civilian, doesn't matter) unless they are the same rank as Einstein. It is just too awkward to sir/ma'am someone his rank.
6) I actually like shelf reading. In college, I used to go in to work during finals just to shelf read because I find it a very relaxing/zen way to spend time.
7) Half of the time when I go to spouse functions, I buy cookies at the commissary instead of bringing homemade.
8) I loathe story times. I like the idea, I like storytelling, but planning it all out makes me want to throw up sometimes.
9) I worry that people in my new mil-spouse world are judging me because I work full time, instead of being a homemaker.
10) I worry that people from my old, comfortable activist librarian world think I've sold out to The Man for a man.

Luckily, Einstein knows all of this and doesn't care. And frankly, neither do I, other than some lingering guilt about selling out/not being a good enough wife. It seems like I'm sort of damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Traveling with Einstein

2008-01-26T14:08:00.000-06:00

Earlier this month I had to go to a library conference (and no, it wasn't ALA Midwinter *sniff*). Since it was only a few hours from home, Einstein followed me there once his duty day was over on Friday and spent the weekend in a hotel with me.

Before I say anything else, let me say this: it was absolutely glorious to get away, just the two of us, for a couple of days. I know, we don't have kids. But the social "whirl" around here can get to be a bit much and it was nice to have time to just sit around and be a couple: no cooking, no dishes, no making the bed!

But there were a few memorable things about the experience: this was the first time that I've been "outside" the military bubble since moving here. We went home for the Christmas holidays, but other than that I haven't interacted with non-military people that much. I was really surprised by how much military things crop up in my normal speech...I was using milspeak! Acronyms! Abbreviations! Bizarre wording!

It was strange. I often feel like Alice after going through the looking glass here on base, but I felt even stranger interacting with all the non-military folks during the conference. It wasn't anything blatant, just odd reactions to finding out Einstein is AF or weird comments, like one presenter who made a joke about nuclear war, and another about plane crashes. I find neither of those to be funny in the least, thanks. But everyone else seemed to.

Since Einstein has been so busy with training that I sometimes wonder if he even notices we live in the same house I have really missed getting to hear all of his hilarious observations on life. We went out for dinner and then decided to stop and pick up some beer to have with our chips and homemade salsa (which was a failure, oh well). He told the guy at the counter we didn't need a bag. As we walked out, I questioned his logic, since we would have to walk through the lobby of our very nice hotel with a six pack of beer. This is a transcript of our conversation from that point on:

Einstein: Is it bad to walk through the lobby with beer?
Me: No, it's just a little strange, don't you think? It would be nice to have a bag, is all I'm saying.
Einstein: Whatever. It's weird they don't sell beer in the lobby.
Me (befuddled): Have you ever stayed someplace that sold beer in the lobby?
Einstein: Sure! When I was TDY in Korea, New Mexico, etc etc etc

So apparently the AF sells beer in the lobby. Einstein eventually figured out that this was the first time he'd stayed in a hotel that didn't sell beer in the lobby (other than our honeymoon) in over four years. And just to clarify, he doesn't mean a bar; these hotels apparently had little sundries shops that also sold six packs.

Babies and spouses groups

2007-11-27T22:20:00.000-06:00

I love babies. I'm really looking forward to the day when Einstein and I decide it is time to have babies. Unfortunately, that day is not coming anytime soon.

Luckily, Einstein is in the Air Force. Babies, babies everywhere!!! I've decided that the thing I like the most about the spouse's group is that it gives me a non-creepy (or at least less creepy) way of approaching mother's of young children and saying "Do you want a mother's helper for your PCS/TDY/housecleaning? Someone to watch the munchkin(s) while you head to the commissary/hair salon/doctor's office/date with your hubby?"

Before I married into the AF, my only opportunity to ask this question was in church, and even then it came off slightly stalkerish. Now I have the spouses' group, and it is turning out better than I could have possibly guessed it would. I have a great way to make friends with some fantastic women, get my baby fix, and look like a really altruistic person, because, you know, I'm willing to hang out with their kids for free.

When not to share

2007-11-20T22:20:00.000-06:00

Einstein is in pilot training right now. Two facts about AF pilot training. Most people are single. And most of those single people are guys. One of my best friends here is also in pilot training. Since she (Elvira) is often the only female surrounded by scads and scads of men, and it seems as though I am always cooking and cleaning and entertaining the scores of single men who view my house as a place of wonder, cleanliness, and home cooking, we like to get together for girl time. This is all just set up for the main part of the story, mainly that:

This weekend, as we were scarfing down our mint chocolate chip ice cream and discussing what color to get our toenails painted, I asked Elvira how her week had gone.

"Well, other than almost dying on Friday, great!"

"What?!?" Mouth oozing green ice cream.

Now, as my husband later pointed out, almost dying is not exactly uncommon in the military. But honestly, this is a training base, so I don't hear about things like what happened very often. What did happen was an awful horrible could-have-been-fatal incident involving a faulty oxygen regulator and a solo flight. Now you have to understand that Elvira has that sense of humor I've found that most pilots have. I think it might be military wide. So naturally, the story ended up being the funniest thing I'd heard all week. There were ambulances, flight medicine, forms, helmet bags, worried coworkers, psychic mothers and plenty of laughter and hand waving in her recitation.

So naturally, I had to share the story. Everyone I told it to reacted with horror first (of course), worry second (naturally) and then laughter, eye rolling and rueful head shaking when I got into all of the details.

Until I decided to tell my mother-and-father-in-law. Somehow they didn't find Elvira's story as funny as I and my military friends had. I see the planes every day. I know what Einstein is doing when he heads in to work. I realize that it is dangerous. But his parents are very isolated from that. I don't think they want to accept it. They were very, very upset, and it took me half an hour to get them convinced that, really, the planes are safe. Really, training is safe. Really, it is more dangerous for him on the drive to work than when he is flying.

So next time I have a "great" story to share, I'm going to stop and think about my audience before I launch into it.

Traditions

2007-11-12T12:19:00.000-06:00

Einstein's little section of the Air Force is superstitious and traditional in the extreme. Every time I turn around I hear about some new tradition, from what to drink to how to welcome a new commander to music to uniform alterations.

Before we were married, I read a lot. I've read pretty much every spouse's handbook out there. I sought out military spouses to quiz them. I read Spousebuzz and lurked on blogs. I read stuff online. I followed message boards.

And apparently, none of it was adequate preparation. Sure, I'm futher ahead on the curve than some: I knew what Tricare was, how much to tip baggers at the commissary, what to do during Retreat, etc. But all of these "traditions" ?? No clue. Also, no one seems to know why they are traditions.

I should write a book. But since I am assuming that every "little" section of the miitary (not just service by service) has its own traditions, quirks and superstitions, it would only really be helpful to a few people. Although, if I wrote some sort of anthropological survey instead of a guidebook, it might draw in a wider readership.

Should I be concerned?

2007-11-06T20:18:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow will be my first real healthcare experience since marrying into the military. So far, I've only been a spectator to Tricare woes. I haven't heard too many horrible things from the other spouses here, so I'm hoping for the best. *knocks on wood* After all, how bad can it be?

I love watching planes!

2007-10-21T19:37:00.000-05:00

Einstein is home from his TDY, hooray! We've been settling in, trying to establish a rhythym, since we didn't quite find one before he left. So far, so good, although I had an incredibly full week of work, which put a crimp in my plans, but life is never perfect.

We went to an airshow this weekend, and it was such a blast! I love love love watching planes. I realize this is highly ironic, since I am absolutely petrified of flying. When I fly commercially I am a wreck. I'm only moderately better when Einstein is along, since I trust his pilot sense (ie, if he isn't worried, we're not going to die).

But anyway, watching planes! We had a great time and it was fun to walk around and poke at the planes and watch the show and just basically enjoy a relaxing afternoon.

Addicted to planning

2007-10-09T23:16:00.000-05:00

I can't stop!! Maybe it is residual from so much time spent planning a wedding, honeymoon, move and job hunt in short order, but now that things are more or less settled here (still no curtains, but that's another story) I cannot stop thinking about what is "next." Einstein is at this base until at least January of 2009, and with TDY's and what not, we probably won't be PCSing again until June of '09.

Depending on how things go, we could be here another 3 or 4 years, if he ends up with a slot to stay here (which wouldn't be horrible, but as of right now is not what he wants). Or we could be at one of eight other bases, only six of which are even likely.

Honestly, though, how do I stop myself? I have been on base websites, checking out the places we are most likely to go. I've been comparing base housing situations. I've been checking out the various Services websites. I've even gone so far as to see what is on sale this week at their commissaries. *side note: I obsessively check the sales online for our commissary so I don't buy something that is on sale there at Wal-mart or wherever*

It is really insane, honestly. We're not going anywhere (barring something really horrible happening) for at least fourteen months. I do not need to plan that far ahead. Also, I have no control over where we head next, since it is all up to plane availability and how Einstein does in the rack and stack.

I hope other folks do this too, otherwise I've just put my neurosis out there for the world to see...

I forgot how much this stinks

2007-10-07T13:56:00.000-05:00

When Einstein and I were living a thousand miles apart, I came to a very deep understanding about how I reacted to him being gone. I actually wrote it all out on a sheet, so that I could look at it and be reminded that I wasn't crazy. My emotions had happened before and would happen again. Years of living apart taught me that I could pretty much handle it without tears, tremors or overwhelming loneliness, except for three points in our separation:

1) Immediately after we were apart. The first 2-4 days suck, no matter what.

2) The space between 2-3 weeks post separation. This is when I start to argue with him and snipe at him (if we are able to call eachother) or just start to plain resent him. I know it is just a defense mechanism; I'm angry with him, yes, but my reasons are ridiculous. Usually. There was this one time...but honestly, I pick fights (real or only in my head) in an attempt to make myself miss him less. Too bad it never works. I usually end up missing him AND being angry.

3) The last two weeks. I know from reading other folks' blogs that this isn't true for everyone. And while I feel the relief that this separation is almost over, I am too impatient! I want him home NOW! I get fidgety and uncomfortable and if we are talking on the phone our conversations become peppered with awkward pauses.

Einstein will be home in less than a week, now! So I am in full "try not to flip out" mode. My short little TDY to-do list is no where near done, and I've accepted that it is not going to get done. This is fine. I am trying to concentrate on doing a few things that will make it a little more homey around here...hopefully it will work!!

Banned Books Week

2007-10-03T23:40:00.000-05:00

This week (through 06 October) is the American Library Association's Banned Books Week. I can only quote children's librarian Jan Bojda, who once said: "A good library collection should have something to offend everyone. If they don’t, they [librarians] are not doing their job."

From the ALA's "Freedom to Read" Statement:

"The freedom to read is essential to our democracy. It is continuously under attack. Private groups and public authorities in various parts of the country are working to remove or limit access to reading materials, to censor content in schools, to label "controversial" views, to distribute lists of "objectionable" books or authors, and to purge libraries. These actions apparently rise from a view that our national tradition of free expression is no longer valid; that censorship and suppression are needed to counter threats to safety or national security, as well as to avoid the subversion of politics and the corruption of morals. We, as individuals devoted to reading and as librarians and publishers responsible for disseminating ideas, wish to assert the public interest in the preservation of the freedom to read.

Most attempts at suppression rest on a denial of the fundamental premise of democracy: that the ordinary individual, by exercising critical judgment, will select the good and reject the bad. We trust Americans to recognize propaganda and misinformation, and to make their own decisions about what they read and believe. We do not believe they are prepared to sacrifice their heritage of a free press in order to be "protected" against what others think may be bad for them. We believe they still favor free enterprise in ideas and expression."

So go take a look at the ALA's list of the 100 most frequently challenged books here:
http://www.ala.org/ala/oif/bannedbooksweek/bbwlinks/100mostfrequently.htm

My dearest hope is that you look at this list and see a few books that changed your life. Books you couldn't have lived without. Books you want your children to read. I think seeing our own "turning point" books on lists like these encourages us to fight for intellectual freedom and against censorship. The book that did this for me, way back in high school, is number 14 on the list, "The Giver" by Lois Lowry. It is the story of a dystopian society that appears utopian, at first glance. It was one of the foundations of my views on the world and I was horrified to find that it was banned from thousand of American libraries.

Support the right of all American's to be free to read as they wish, this week and always.