My husband, Einstein, is busily preparing for his first TDY since our very recent marriage. My feelings about this big event are somewhat mixed. Einstein and I, though newlyweds, grew up in the same very, very small town and have thus known each other for quite some time. On the other hand, we had a long distance relationship for four years, while I and he were away at college and last year we lived in the same general area, but since he was living on base and was very busy most days, we saw each other for a few hours a week at most. This was still heaven compared to the proceeding four years, but you can still imagine my shock when I sat down with a calendar and realized that the upcoming six week TDY will be the longest amount of time we have spent apart in over a year.
This boggles my mind. I know that last year, when he was constantly busy and barely had time for the occasional meet up at Starbucks or Panera, I certainly didn't feel like we were spending much time together, but clearly we were. I'm not sure that I know how to do apartness, anymore. It feels strange and odd and I can't picture what I will do with myself.
This is partially due to the fact that we spent most of the summer at home, since he was on leave, and were never apart for more than a few hours, and this has held true since PCS'ing to our new home, since his training doesn't officially start until November, and he has this upcoming TDY. So he goes to work, checks his email, hangs about the squad room for a bit, does any miscellaneous filing or what not, and then comes home. Since I am still at loose ends, we've ended up doing all of the moving in tasks and errands together, for the most part.
I'm not complaining. I realize that this will probably never, ever happen again. So I'm appreciating it while I can. But it is making it impossible to visualize what it will be like to be alone. I know that I'm going to miss him something fierce.
But there is also a part of me that is excited to prove that I can to do this, that I haven't "lost my touch" with being apart, and that I still have what it takes to survive without him around.
There is also the pragmatic part of me that realizes that this is just the beginning, and I had best get used to it again, because it is going to be like this for a long, long time.