To the colleague who stepped on an emotional land mine today.
And then backed off, and said all the right things, asked questions that showed he cared, not voyeuristically but truly, and ended with out platitudes or any other expression of his feelings. Sometimes it is nice to have support that doesn't hinge on others guilt or interest, but on simple human kindness.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Things that make me...
Nervous: News from places where he might be deployed.
Scared: News of casualties in places where he might be deployed.
Cringe: Casual mention of the places that make me nervous and scared, in a blog post where I don't expect them.
I don't want to be holier than thou. I don't want to make it a thing. I don't want to...anything, really.
Except cry, because I don't know how to tell someone that the joke isn't funny, couldn't ever be funny, if you looked at news from that place the same way I do.
Scared: News of casualties in places where he might be deployed.
Cringe: Casual mention of the places that make me nervous and scared, in a blog post where I don't expect them.
I don't want to be holier than thou. I don't want to make it a thing. I don't want to...anything, really.
Except cry, because I don't know how to tell someone that the joke isn't funny, couldn't ever be funny, if you looked at news from that place the same way I do.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Time to sit and be
Einstein and I don't get to spend too much time just existing in the same space. He is gone half (or more) of the year, and even when he is home, we both work/commute 50-60 hours per week. Our weekends are usually highly social, busy with events and parties and church functions and people.
Today, it was rainy. Today, most of our friends were out of town. Today, we had no plans.
We spent today working on household tasks and chores, dancing around each other to accomplish domestic necessities. And then we sat on the couch and read and surfed and read and surfed and...
And it was glorious. Reading bits of novels and essays back and forth to each other, laughing and enjoying and being together.
Today, it was rainy. Today, most of our friends were out of town. Today, we had no plans.
We spent today working on household tasks and chores, dancing around each other to accomplish domestic necessities. And then we sat on the couch and read and surfed and read and surfed and...
And it was glorious. Reading bits of novels and essays back and forth to each other, laughing and enjoying and being together.
Monday, May 2, 2011
High school sweethearts
Reading a tweet from the wonderful Rae today, I was struck again by a stereotype I've encountered again and again....
"Marrying your high school sweetheart is the stupidest thing you could possibly do."
We see it again and again in movies and songs, in people's reactions and commentary. And I see it every time I tell someone how my husband and I met. That's right, Einstein and I were (are?) high school sweethearts.
Why is this considered a bad thing???? I mean, really. I heard (and still hear) things like:
1) You are/were too young to know what you wanted.
Um, okay. Trust me, I knew what I wanted! Here's the thing: if we were too young, we were BOTH too young. And we've grown up together. And because of that, we've grown together, not apart- I always say I fell in love with a boy, and have just kept on falling in love. Why? Because I (we!) work to do that. We aren't the same people we were when we fell in love (more than 10 years ago), thank you, God. I'm actually pretty sure there isn't a magical age where people stop acting like idiots; I'm just glad I found an idiot who has gotten smarter along with me.
2) You can't experience the world with a boy tying you down.
Maybe if you are a codependent person in a relationship with a homebody. Both of us traveled, had separate friends, lived hundreds (sometimes thousands) of miles apart. It wasn't easy. It wasn't always roses and chocolates. But I have experienced more of the world than I would have had the courage to do without him by my side (either physically or mentally).
3) How can you possibly make a decision like that after dating only one guy?
Because I firmly believe that marriage is AT LEAST half determination and commitment. I'm lucky enough that so far the other 50% has been being crazy in love. But I'm pretty sure the determination and commitment will see us through even when the crazy in love dwindles to 5-10%. Also, he is a pretty great guy. Everyone has flaws. Waiting for Prince Charming wouldn't have worked for me; I'm a perfectionist- I would never, ever have found him.
Okay. I could rant a lot more on this one, but I have to go to work in the morning. That's all I've got.
"Marrying your high school sweetheart is the stupidest thing you could possibly do."
We see it again and again in movies and songs, in people's reactions and commentary. And I see it every time I tell someone how my husband and I met. That's right, Einstein and I were (are?) high school sweethearts.
Why is this considered a bad thing???? I mean, really. I heard (and still hear) things like:
1) You are/were too young to know what you wanted.
Um, okay. Trust me, I knew what I wanted! Here's the thing: if we were too young, we were BOTH too young. And we've grown up together. And because of that, we've grown together, not apart- I always say I fell in love with a boy, and have just kept on falling in love. Why? Because I (we!) work to do that. We aren't the same people we were when we fell in love (more than 10 years ago), thank you, God. I'm actually pretty sure there isn't a magical age where people stop acting like idiots; I'm just glad I found an idiot who has gotten smarter along with me.
2) You can't experience the world with a boy tying you down.
Maybe if you are a codependent person in a relationship with a homebody. Both of us traveled, had separate friends, lived hundreds (sometimes thousands) of miles apart. It wasn't easy. It wasn't always roses and chocolates. But I have experienced more of the world than I would have had the courage to do without him by my side (either physically or mentally).
3) How can you possibly make a decision like that after dating only one guy?
Because I firmly believe that marriage is AT LEAST half determination and commitment. I'm lucky enough that so far the other 50% has been being crazy in love. But I'm pretty sure the determination and commitment will see us through even when the crazy in love dwindles to 5-10%. Also, he is a pretty great guy. Everyone has flaws. Waiting for Prince Charming wouldn't have worked for me; I'm a perfectionist- I would never, ever have found him.
Okay. I could rant a lot more on this one, but I have to go to work in the morning. That's all I've got.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Resolutions
I like making resolutions and goals. I don't really limit myself to making them only in January, but I have found that it is always best when I break resolutions down into habits to start.
2010 was a very strange year. I spent a lot of time in January making a lot of very good plans and resolutions for the year. And then I got a new job and all of my really excellent plans got flushed down the toilet. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing- I love my job, and of all the things that didn't go according to The Plan last year, my job was by far the best. Our life changed in a lot of ways, but I have to say that despite meeting almost none of my goals from last January, I'm very happy with where things are this January. 2010 taught me a lot of lessons about the futility of planning, and the blessings that come wrapped up in having our plans completely wrecked, and also a lot about appreciating every second, because it can change so very fast.
Which means that in 2011, I am trying to concentrate on supporting my New Year's resolutions with habits. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to break things down into small, daily chunks that I can easily work into my routine. And I am trying very hard to resist the idea that I need to start trying to incorporate all of these habits now. I am going to focus on just a couple during January, and hope that by placing the importance on building the habit, instead of on the results, I will be able to start implementing change.
To 2011!
2010 was a very strange year. I spent a lot of time in January making a lot of very good plans and resolutions for the year. And then I got a new job and all of my really excellent plans got flushed down the toilet. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing- I love my job, and of all the things that didn't go according to The Plan last year, my job was by far the best. Our life changed in a lot of ways, but I have to say that despite meeting almost none of my goals from last January, I'm very happy with where things are this January. 2010 taught me a lot of lessons about the futility of planning, and the blessings that come wrapped up in having our plans completely wrecked, and also a lot about appreciating every second, because it can change so very fast.
Which means that in 2011, I am trying to concentrate on supporting my New Year's resolutions with habits. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to break things down into small, daily chunks that I can easily work into my routine. And I am trying very hard to resist the idea that I need to start trying to incorporate all of these habits now. I am going to focus on just a couple during January, and hope that by placing the importance on building the habit, instead of on the results, I will be able to start implementing change.
To 2011!
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