Sunday, October 7, 2007

I forgot how much this stinks

When Einstein and I were living a thousand miles apart, I came to a very deep understanding about how I reacted to him being gone. I actually wrote it all out on a sheet, so that I could look at it and be reminded that I wasn't crazy. My emotions had happened before and would happen again. Years of living apart taught me that I could pretty much handle it without tears, tremors or overwhelming loneliness, except for three points in our separation:

1) Immediately after we were apart. The first 2-4 days suck, no matter what.

2) The space between 2-3 weeks post separation. This is when I start to argue with him and snipe at him (if we are able to call eachother) or just start to plain resent him. I know it is just a defense mechanism; I'm angry with him, yes, but my reasons are ridiculous. Usually. There was this one time...but honestly, I pick fights (real or only in my head) in an attempt to make myself miss him less. Too bad it never works. I usually end up missing him AND being angry.

3) The last two weeks. I know from reading other folks' blogs that this isn't true for everyone. And while I feel the relief that this separation is almost over, I am too impatient! I want him home NOW! I get fidgety and uncomfortable and if we are talking on the phone our conversations become peppered with awkward pauses.

Einstein will be home in less than a week, now! So I am in full "try not to flip out" mode. My short little TDY to-do list is no where near done, and I've accepted that it is not going to get done. This is fine. I am trying to concentrate on doing a few things that will make it a little more homey around here...hopefully it will work!!

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