I wish I worked here...

People always say this to me (meaning they want to work at the public library) and they always finish the sentence with "it is so quiet!".

The next time someone says that to me, I am laughing in their face.

Today, we called the cops once every hour for my entire shift. I am not kidding. The top 3 incidents (only 3- there were more, but these were the most interesting!):

1) A woman's purse was stolen. After hyperventilating, going into hysterics, yelling at the librarian who suggested she check her car to be sure she hadn't left her purse there, accusing 3 different people of taking it, and filing a police report, the woman went out to her car and found, you guessed it, her purse. (I would like to note that no one was angry with her, just glad she found her purse. We were also amused, I'm not going to lie.)

2) A man stumbles in, knocks over a display of books, He tells us "Hey ladies, how's it going, woops, that's the floor. No no I'm fine, just having a rough day!" Obviously, he was drunk. So after he stumbled to a chair and passed out, we called the cops. Who had to call an ambulance for him, he was that intoxicated. Yep.

3) Another drunk man FELL ASLEEP on the toilet in the man's restroom. I am not making this up. Since all of our male staff members were either at lunch or out sick, I and another librarian went in the bathroom, where we pounded on the stall and yelled to try to wake him up. Since that didn't work, we called the cops (this was the fifth time out of eight for the day!).

So yeah. And people wonder why we say they shouldn't let their kids run around the library alone if they are under 12? Really?