One is silver, the other is gold

One of my mother's favorite refrains when I was growing up was "Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver, but the other is gold." While I generally prefer silver to gold (and silver vs. gold insignia denotes the higher rank, haha) I definitely agree with the premise of what my mother was trying to say.

The problem is that I'm not sure how to put it into action. I'm fairly decent at making new friends, I think. I'm not like other people I've observed, who seem to make best friends with the first person they meet at a new base, and remain BFF's for the rest of their lives. Nonetheless, I do find it easy to be friendly with people, and from there, to develop real friendships as I get to know them better.

Unfortunately, I am horrible at long distance communication. This is ironic, since Einstein and I maintained a long distance relationship for 4 years, and still have what I would affectionately refer to as a "commuter" marriage. Although I've never struggled with calling/emailing him, I am horrible at it with the rest of the world.

My most frequent email correspondent is my mother-in-law, mostly because I would feel pretty guilty if I ignored her emails, and also because our communication styles mesh: short, to the point, with a little humor thrown in for good measure.

I am horrible at long, chatty emails, and I am even worse at the telephone. I loathe the phone. I prefer email and texting. I often let my phone go to voicemail and rarely return voicemails once I listen to them (which can take an embarrassingly long time). I star blogs in my reader to comment on them, and then never do it. I star emails for later reply, archive them, and forget all about them. I intend to send cards and letters and never do.I remind myself of birthdays and forget to call/text/facebook whatever.

While some friends are fine with this, others clearly hate me for not communicating more efficiently. Also, as more of my friends become long distance friends, it gets harder and harder to keep up. I wonder if my expectation are too high, or if I am just a crappy friend? I don't know. I do try, especially for people I know value certain types of communication, but there are some friends that I have grown apart from and I'm not sure if that is inevitable or if it is my fault.

I guess I just have to do the best I can, and try to find some way to balance the silver and the gold.

Trip down memory lane

The other night, Einstein and I were discussing a system for getting the dishes done.

I like to set up systems to do the dishes so that I can avoid having to actually do them.

I was reminiscing about my system for doing dishes in our old apartment, and Einstein mentioned that he couldn't picture our old apartment. Which surprised me, because I still think of our apartment as home. Based on past experience, it takes me at least six months to start to forget the details about wherever I lived before.

Other than my parents house and my college campus, I've never really gone back to places I've lived before. We have friends who really enjoy visiting old postings, driving past old houses, staying on base, eating in favorite restaurants, etc. I think I would enjoy it, too, but we haven't had a chance yet to go back and visit any of our old haunts.

PCS...kind of rhymes with depressed, doesn't it?

I am an extrovert. It's taken me a LONG time to come to grips with that. After all, I love to read! I would spend all day curled up with a book if I could. That must mean that I'm an introvert, right? Wrong. Other than the year before Einstein and I married, I've never lived alone. I had my family, then roommates (I was always lucky in having fantastic ones). I didn't so much as go to the grocery store alone.

I hate being alone. Being around people energizes me. Strangers, friends, whatever, I love the interaction. I do need quiet time by myself, don't get me wrong, but nothing makes me happier than spending time talking and just being with other people.

Our new locale is great. I love the weather, the scenery, the whole nine yards. What I don't love is not knowing anyone. The great irony of all of this is that we've had a ton of visitors since we arrived; more than we ever had at our last base. But now that our stream of visitors has started to dry up, I find myself feeling depressed.

I haven't made any friends here yet. We know quite a few people here (it's a small Air Force, after all) but all of them are single dudes, or active duty ladies. Now, some of my best friends fall into these two qualities, but I would really like to be able to take a break from a morning of cold calling libraries to ask about job/volunteer opportunities to have coffee with someone who is in the same boat. The spouse's group is currently non-existent, and not in a "if you want to start one, go for it!" kind of way. What I've been able to piece together leads me to believe that the lack of spouse support has to do with a personality conflict amongst some commander's wives. Nice.

Alright, I'm sick of my own whining.

Things I am happy about:

1) Lots of time to read!
2) Having a backyard to garden in. Mmmmm, tomatoes!
3) Finally having my house all set up.
4) Being able to experiment with cooking new things.
5) I found a place to get my hair cut!

I think the key is to get out of the house more: go to the gym, go to the coffee shop to read, go hang out at the library and read magazines. I'm not going to meet new people sitting in my house.

Things I wish that they covered at spouse orientations

Before I begin this post, I want to clarify: I am extremely thankful that our new base has an orientation especially for spouses. I learned a lot, and it was definitely a valuable use of my time.

That said, here are the top 5 things I wish they covered at spouse orientations! (In reverse order, ala Letterman)

5) Telling us all about our key spouses and then not having the info to contact them was a little, ah, misleading. I want an email address, at least!

4) Which local grocery store has the best produce? I know its not the commissary! (The commissary here ROCKS- awesome 'deli, etc, but the produce, not so much).

3) How do you shut people up when they won't take no for an answer? You told my husband at his briefing that he should just say that he "works for the Air Force" and leave it at that...but my crazy uncle, friends from college and others are really bothersome with their "but what does he DO? where does he GO?" questions. The good old "it's classified" response goes over like a lead balloon. I'm obviously not going to tell them what he really does (since, quite frankly, I don't know) but it would be nice if you could teach me some stock responses to give them that would make them cease their endless questioning.

2) Where are the best places to eat? I am in desperate need of a good Mexican restaurant.

And finally:

1) Where should I go to get my hair done? Seriously, people. I scheduled my last trim and color for two days before the movers came, and my roots are, well...not pretty.

Trying to tie up work projects

I thought I would be sooooo happy to be done with work...I am literally counting the days.

At the same time, I find that I'm really very attached to my various projects and responsibilities. The more I think about letting someone else take them over, the less I like the idea. Although I've done it before, its harder this time around. I think because I let myself get complacent, get attached.

I read a book this week that quoted some historical sources regarding military wives. It is amazing how much their letters match up with my contemporary emails. Finding a place to live, worrying about our husbands, in some ways it is still just like the 1800's. At the same time, I'm thankful for all of the advantages we have...

The Mrs. has a great giveaway going!

So I'm pretty sure y'all have already seen this, but The Mrs. is giving away an awesome, awesome Military Wives Cookbook at her site. Things I like about this: cooking, military wives, history and (bonus!) its a book! What more could you want??

Check it out!

Also, I would like to note that Einstein and I are in the midst of house hunting at his new duty station. We LOVE the area...lots to do, beautiful weather, great restaurants. And we've put in an offer (and a counteroffer and a counteroffer and a counteroffer) on a house that I am completely smitten with.

That said, looking at houses all day? Not my forte. I know why they call it house hunting: because by the end of the day, you want to shoot someone.

The PCS that ate my life

When Einstein and I moved here, we did a DITY move.

I made him swear to me that we would never, ever do one again as long as we lived.
(In case you're worried, we're not. He tried to talk me into it and I told him that he could use the money we made on the DITY to pay for a divorce lawyer. Like I said, NEVER AGAIN.)

I was so excited about this PCS. I had all of these dreams, filled with soft, muted light and sappy music, where the movers came, packed all of our stuff and we blissfully set off for our next adventure. Stress free. Full of happiness and joy. Everything easy, simple and care-free.

Just thinking about my naivete makes me want to laugh hysterically. Or maybe just have hysterics, screw the laughter.

Our last move, despite being a DITY move, had a TON of lead time. We have plenty of lead time for this one as well, but working right up until we move is stressing me out. Between trying to convince Einstein to rent, looking at houses, researching mortgage options, separating out the stuff we're packing with us, saying goodbye to friends, etc etc etc I feel like I am losing my mind.

Don't even get me started on job hunting. Once I have my feet under me again, I have a whole series of posts fleshed out on why librarian is the best milspouse job ever, milspouse jobs in general and other related topics. But I'm too busy trying to find a job to post it! I feel a little crazy...when we moved here, I allowed myself to wait until we were moved in to start looking, but this time around I feel like I need to find a job BEFORE we get there. Which is nearly impossible, honestly. Although I may die trying.

Preparing to PCS

I've been busy trying to get ready for the big move. In some ways this move is much simpler than our move here, but in other ways, it has been really complicated.

Simply put, we're buying a house.

At least, I think we are.

Maybe we're crazy. I don't want a house. Houses are expensive, they require mortgages (I am debt phobic), you are responsible for them, etc. I would much rather live in an apartment or rent a house. Really.

I'm also enough of a dyed in the wool rebel that the idea of buying a house because "everyone says we should! Look at the housing market!" makes me want to avoid home ownership like the plague.

I don't have a job there, yet. I don't know if I will be able to find a job there.

But Einstein really wants to buy a house. After weeks of listening to his arguments and viewing all of the pretty pictures our realtor (we have a REALTOR) has been sending us, I'm starting to go over to the dark side.

I mean, honestly. Einstein refuses to live on base (we all have our quirks). Rental houses there are ridiculously overpriced (compared to mortgages) and apartments are overpriced, small, and in undesirable areas.

Home ownership was on my mental list for "Things we will do when Einstein retires from the Air Force". I was not, am not, prepared for it right now. I know some of you rent and some of you own, and frankly, right now I am willing to hear ANY thoughts or advice you might have.

I'm not a fence-sitter by nature, but I am totally on the fence on this one!

How?

How do you decide between the assignment you don't want and the assignment you REALLY don't want? I mean, when there are a total of, say, seven possible assignments. And you don't really want any of them, because there are other assignments ranked "above" them, but NO ONE is getting those.

So how do you choose? How much input do you (the spouse) have? Do you base it on his happiness or your probability of getting a decent job?

Honestly, for all the difference it will probably make (since it is, technically, needs of the Air Force that decide it) we might as well rank it by the restaurants each possible station has. At least then I could have some decent food.

Addicted to planning

I can't stop!! Maybe it is residual from so much time spent planning a wedding, honeymoon, move and job hunt in short order, but now that things are more or less settled here (still no curtains, but that's another story) I cannot stop thinking about what is "next." Einstein is at this base until at least January of 2009, and with TDY's and what not, we probably won't be PCSing again until June of '09.

Depending on how things go, we could be here another 3 or 4 years, if he ends up with a slot to stay here (which wouldn't be horrible, but as of right now is not what he wants). Or we could be at one of eight other bases, only six of which are even likely.

Honestly, though, how do I stop myself? I have been on base websites, checking out the places we are most likely to go. I've been comparing base housing situations. I've been checking out the various Services websites. I've even gone so far as to see what is on sale this week at their commissaries. *side note: I obsessively check the sales online for our commissary so I don't buy something that is on sale there at Wal-mart or wherever*

It is really insane, honestly. We're not going anywhere (barring something really horrible happening) for at least fourteen months. I do not need to plan that far ahead. Also, I have no control over where we head next, since it is all up to plane availability and how Einstein does in the rack and stack.

I hope other folks do this too, otherwise I've just put my neurosis out there for the world to see...

Food and gardening

Einstein and I were raised in the sticks. We liked it then, and our families continue to enjoy it. There are times when I am annoyed by being from the sticks. Like when we are home over holidays and the sidewalks roll up at 5PM. Or when I realize that there is no real coffee shop. Or every time I am forced to drive from my family home to Einstein's (a nearly hour long drive, although we have the same "hometown").

But it is only after the past six years of being "away" from home that I begin to truly appreciate the thing that I miss the most about being home: the food.

I don't mean the actual dishes that are cooked. I love love love being exposed to all of the new dishes and produce-Einstein and I had green chiles for the first time last year, and okra for the first time this year. The food we grew up on was standard Midwestern fare, for the most part, with some tasty Scandanavian ethnic dishes thrown in.

What I miss is knowing where my food comes from. While no one in my family has farmed in three generations, my grandfather worked for John Deere. We ate grass-fed beef raised by some folks from our church. Our bacon was grown and processed locally. Our neighbors provided our milk (dairy and goat), chicken and eggs. Einstein's family is much the same, although most of their meat comes from the deer that he, his father and his siblings hunted (and continue to hunt) each year on their own land. They process the deer themselves. Their venison steaks are amazing.

Wild rice (which they now have to ship to us because I refuse to pay boutique prices for rice that isn't Uncle Ben's) is harvested from the lake that lies off the back of Einstein's family's property. Raspberries, strawberries, apples, rhubarb and just about every vegetable imaginable came straight from the garden. I remember being confused the first time I realized that my friends ate vegetables that came out of metal cans; ours were in glass jars. Frozen I was fine with, after all, I had helped Mom and Dad freeze a whole deep freeze full of veggies!

I know how much work that food was; I have a few clear memories of planting, weeding, watering, picking and sweltering August days spent canning. And canning. And canning. Lots of canning. But what I remember best is how sweet that corn was, how juicy the raspberries were and how crisp the green beans were.

When I was in college, I didn't miss this type of food much; part of the time I was living with a bunch of people raised much like I was, so we had a huge backyard garden and frequented the farmer's market. We were the only college kids I knew who made their own jam. Besides which, college kids are supposed to eat crappy food. It's a rite of passage. But now Einstein and I are a family, and I want to have real family food. And I can't, because:

The military is messing with my food. I feel really lucky to have the military community; after 4 years of unofficial membership and three months with an i.d. card, I know to appreciate the vitality, resilience and friendliness of those in my new community.

But there don't seem to be many farmers. Or even gardeners. I would give my eyeteeth for some farm fresh eggs.

So I've spent most of the time since we PCS'd looking for good food. I'm growing some fall tomatoes, and of course my little kitchen herb garden is thriving. I also have chives, mmmm. I found a farmer's market, but the last one of the growing season was two weeks after we arrived. Without the contacts that I had growing up, I'm not sure how to find a farmer to sell me eggs, meat and dairy. My super-librarian-research-skills have helped me locate some things (grass fed meat!!), and the commissary is pinch hitting with some cage free vegetarian eggs, but I'm exhausted at the thought of having to do this every time we move.

It was a lot easier when I was eight and could go across the road to collect our fresh batch of "golden" eggs and goat milk from our elderly neighbors.

Also, I'm used to being able to garden-not always a given if we are in base housing or an apartment (like now!). And even if I do find someone to buy bushels of tomatoes and whatnot from, do I really want to haul all of that home canned food with me when we move? What about produce that I freeze? Eat it up, I guess, but I'm paranoid about moving in the summer (highly likely) and ending up in this situation again-ie, facing a whole year with no home preserved anything because I was moving during growing season.

I'll just have to keep looking, and hope for the best.