After pilot training ended and all of our friends scattered to the four winds, it has been interesting hearing how different life is in the different types of airframes. In the Air Force, each aircraft has its own quirks, but in general the lifestyle tends to be pretty similar for similar aircraft within a type (the "types" being heavies, fighters, bombers, special operations, and unmanned aerial systems).
I'm lucky to have friends in lots of different airframes (airframes is the Air Force's fancy way of saying airplanes), so I get to hear about a lot of different things. It is amazing how different the cultures are. At Einstein's pilot training base, pilots and the flying community were presented as a monolithic institution, but nothing could be further from the truth!
The differences aren't just in deployment length and frequency, either. The amount of institutionalized drinking, the types of mandatory fun, the atmosphere of the spouses groups- its all different. I love hearing stories about super formal spouses meetings at other bases (mostly because I don't have to attend them). I am glad that my husband doesn't have a roll call every single Friday night. I am envious of the exuberant, friendly welcomes that some of my friends have received from their spouses groups.
And mostly, I'm thankful for the chance to see how the rest of the Air Force lives. :-D
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
One is silver, the other is gold
One of my mother's favorite refrains when I was growing up was "Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver, but the other is gold." While I generally prefer silver to gold (and silver vs. gold insignia denotes the higher rank, haha) I definitely agree with the premise of what my mother was trying to say.
The problem is that I'm not sure how to put it into action. I'm fairly decent at making new friends, I think. I'm not like other people I've observed, who seem to make best friends with the first person they meet at a new base, and remain BFF's for the rest of their lives. Nonetheless, I do find it easy to be friendly with people, and from there, to develop real friendships as I get to know them better.
Unfortunately, I am horrible at long distance communication. This is ironic, since Einstein and I maintained a long distance relationship for 4 years, and still have what I would affectionately refer to as a "commuter" marriage. Although I've never struggled with calling/emailing him, I am horrible at it with the rest of the world.
My most frequent email correspondent is my mother-in-law, mostly because I would feel pretty guilty if I ignored her emails, and also because our communication styles mesh: short, to the point, with a little humor thrown in for good measure.
I am horrible at long, chatty emails, and I am even worse at the telephone. I loathe the phone. I prefer email and texting. I often let my phone go to voicemail and rarely return voicemails once I listen to them (which can take an embarrassingly long time). I star blogs in my reader to comment on them, and then never do it. I star emails for later reply, archive them, and forget all about them. I intend to send cards and letters and never do.I remind myself of birthdays and forget to call/text/facebook whatever.
While some friends are fine with this, others clearly hate me for not communicating more efficiently. Also, as more of my friends become long distance friends, it gets harder and harder to keep up. I wonder if my expectation are too high, or if I am just a crappy friend? I don't know. I do try, especially for people I know value certain types of communication, but there are some friends that I have grown apart from and I'm not sure if that is inevitable or if it is my fault.
I guess I just have to do the best I can, and try to find some way to balance the silver and the gold.
The problem is that I'm not sure how to put it into action. I'm fairly decent at making new friends, I think. I'm not like other people I've observed, who seem to make best friends with the first person they meet at a new base, and remain BFF's for the rest of their lives. Nonetheless, I do find it easy to be friendly with people, and from there, to develop real friendships as I get to know them better.
Unfortunately, I am horrible at long distance communication. This is ironic, since Einstein and I maintained a long distance relationship for 4 years, and still have what I would affectionately refer to as a "commuter" marriage. Although I've never struggled with calling/emailing him, I am horrible at it with the rest of the world.
My most frequent email correspondent is my mother-in-law, mostly because I would feel pretty guilty if I ignored her emails, and also because our communication styles mesh: short, to the point, with a little humor thrown in for good measure.
I am horrible at long, chatty emails, and I am even worse at the telephone. I loathe the phone. I prefer email and texting. I often let my phone go to voicemail and rarely return voicemails once I listen to them (which can take an embarrassingly long time). I star blogs in my reader to comment on them, and then never do it. I star emails for later reply, archive them, and forget all about them. I intend to send cards and letters and never do.I remind myself of birthdays and forget to call/text/facebook whatever.
While some friends are fine with this, others clearly hate me for not communicating more efficiently. Also, as more of my friends become long distance friends, it gets harder and harder to keep up. I wonder if my expectation are too high, or if I am just a crappy friend? I don't know. I do try, especially for people I know value certain types of communication, but there are some friends that I have grown apart from and I'm not sure if that is inevitable or if it is my fault.
I guess I just have to do the best I can, and try to find some way to balance the silver and the gold.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Really, really good friends
I know that people in the milspouse blogsphere talk a lot about how civilians don't get it. And sometimes, they just don't, like LAW's coworkers. I've blogged before about friends who don't understand the basics of military life and family members who are truly oblivious.
But there are some friends who, while they may not "get" it, are always willing to offer a listening ear. I have one friend, in particular, who is fantastic about this. She truly wants to understand what is going on in my life (and Einstein's). She asks intelligent questions, remembers acronyms (!!!!), and is always willing to lend a sympathetic ear.
I don't know what I would do without her.
Although she lives 1,000+ miles away right now, I've been relying on her a lot lately. I love my military friends, but it can be difficult to support each other when we are all dealing with the same frustrations. I feel petty complaining about my own apprehension over not knowing what Einstein will fly in the future and when and where we are moving next when all of my friends here are in the same boat.
I just spent 5 minutes trying to think of a way of expressing that thought without using the word "boat", since it sounds so Navy... ;)
So my far-away friend has been a godsend lately. I hope she knows how much I appreciate her sympathetic ear and understanding emails. They mean the world to me!
I hate waiting to find out what is coming next. It is driving me CRAZY. I'm a planner, and not being able to plan out the rest of this year is driving me up the wall. I guess I'd better get used to it, though, huh?
But there are some friends who, while they may not "get" it, are always willing to offer a listening ear. I have one friend, in particular, who is fantastic about this. She truly wants to understand what is going on in my life (and Einstein's). She asks intelligent questions, remembers acronyms (!!!!), and is always willing to lend a sympathetic ear.
I don't know what I would do without her.
Although she lives 1,000+ miles away right now, I've been relying on her a lot lately. I love my military friends, but it can be difficult to support each other when we are all dealing with the same frustrations. I feel petty complaining about my own apprehension over not knowing what Einstein will fly in the future and when and where we are moving next when all of my friends here are in the same boat.
I just spent 5 minutes trying to think of a way of expressing that thought without using the word "boat", since it sounds so Navy... ;)
So my far-away friend has been a godsend lately. I hope she knows how much I appreciate her sympathetic ear and understanding emails. They mean the world to me!
I hate waiting to find out what is coming next. It is driving me CRAZY. I'm a planner, and not being able to plan out the rest of this year is driving me up the wall. I guess I'd better get used to it, though, huh?
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The Holidays...and other ramblings
Is it just me, or does mandatory fun seem to increase exponentially the closer we get to Christmas??
If I have to go to one more tea, coffee, lunch, brunch, reception, party, event or bbq (or plan one more!!!) I may scream. It probably just seems worse because not only are there are the various levels of parties to attend for Einstein, but my own obligations are in full swing.
Frankly, I loathe holiday parties. I know, Scrooge-y of me, but I don't care. I love Christmas, but I like staying at home, baking, decorating, etc. I hate buying useless white elephant gifts. It seems so...wasteful.
Why yes, I am that person who opts out of the secret santa/office gift exchange/whatever and makes everyone else feel gluttonous by suggesting we donate to charity instead. Sorry.
I like entertaining...but paying $$ for tickets to the squadron holiday party...not so much. I like going to people's houses for dinners, chill hanging out, etc...but not forced festivity. So sue me.
I swear, my real name is not Ebeneezer!
Thanks for the comments on the last post; I'm feeling much better about it. Mostly because I looked at pay scales for other parts of the country and remembered just how far below average the pay is here, haha. :-D
In happier holiday news, Einstein and I have all of our Advent provisions (ie, wreath and calendar) laid in. I am planning to make Chex mix and put up the tree next weekend (after my second favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, yay!!). Also, I finally managed to order my lefse (Norwegian food, can't have a holiday without it!) and it should be arriving pre-Thanksgiving.
Ooooh! An out-take from my day today!
The setting: Having lunch midday at a (library) conference, sitting with coworker: I peer into my boxed lunch (which was sadly inadequate, btw).
Me: Hmmm...salad, chips, fork...*roots around* WHERE IS THE COOKIE??
Coworker: What? You don't have a cookie?? Wait, *I* don't have a cookie, EITHER!
Me (looking around at other's lunches with a growing sense of foreboding): I don't think anyone has a cookie.
Coworker: No way. Did they not realize this was a library conference??
Me: There had better be cookies during the afternoon breakout, or I am pulling ALA membership cards and taking names.
Thankfully, we emerged at the middle of the afternoon session to find trays of brownies and cookies. It was close, though. Because no way would my boss have given me my professional development credits for a conference without cookies. They are mandatory at any event involving librarians.
If I have to go to one more tea, coffee, lunch, brunch, reception, party, event or bbq (or plan one more!!!) I may scream. It probably just seems worse because not only are there are the various levels of parties to attend for Einstein, but my own obligations are in full swing.
Frankly, I loathe holiday parties. I know, Scrooge-y of me, but I don't care. I love Christmas, but I like staying at home, baking, decorating, etc. I hate buying useless white elephant gifts. It seems so...wasteful.
Why yes, I am that person who opts out of the secret santa/office gift exchange/whatever and makes everyone else feel gluttonous by suggesting we donate to charity instead. Sorry.
I like entertaining...but paying $$ for tickets to the squadron holiday party...not so much. I like going to people's houses for dinners, chill hanging out, etc...but not forced festivity. So sue me.
I swear, my real name is not Ebeneezer!
Thanks for the comments on the last post; I'm feeling much better about it. Mostly because I looked at pay scales for other parts of the country and remembered just how far below average the pay is here, haha. :-D
In happier holiday news, Einstein and I have all of our Advent provisions (ie, wreath and calendar) laid in. I am planning to make Chex mix and put up the tree next weekend (after my second favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, yay!!). Also, I finally managed to order my lefse (Norwegian food, can't have a holiday without it!) and it should be arriving pre-Thanksgiving.
Ooooh! An out-take from my day today!
The setting: Having lunch midday at a (library) conference, sitting with coworker: I peer into my boxed lunch (which was sadly inadequate, btw).
Me: Hmmm...salad, chips, fork...*roots around* WHERE IS THE COOKIE??
Coworker: What? You don't have a cookie?? Wait, *I* don't have a cookie, EITHER!
Me (looking around at other's lunches with a growing sense of foreboding): I don't think anyone has a cookie.
Coworker: No way. Did they not realize this was a library conference??
Me: There had better be cookies during the afternoon breakout, or I am pulling ALA membership cards and taking names.
Thankfully, we emerged at the middle of the afternoon session to find trays of brownies and cookies. It was close, though. Because no way would my boss have given me my professional development credits for a conference without cookies. They are mandatory at any event involving librarians.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Yes, we go to bed that early
Most of my non-military affiliated friends live the life of the young and upwardly mobile or the young and well-trust-funded (tough, I feel for them). This leads to a fair amount of dissonance between our lives and world views. It always has; after all, I could never afford to hire a maid or send my laundry out. (Yes I had friends in college who did those things.)
But the sticking point lately is less about political debates about the necessity of the military or inability to cope with the idea of frequent and seemingly pointless moves around the country.
The sticking point is our bed time. My friends cannot handle the fact that any call to us after 9 PM will not be answered.
Now, I grew up in a house where if you were calling after 9 PM you had better be 1) dead 2) dying or 3) calling about someone else in one of the previous two conditions. This was non-negotiable. My parents are hardcore about very few things, but the 9 PM phone cut off was sacrosanct. I never thought much about it (other than a brief interlude in college where the jealous ex of my roomate's new boyfriend called EVERY NIGHT at 3 AM) and I certainly didn't follow it. But with Einstein's flying schedule and my own work schedule, it makes sense to go to bed at around 9:30. And I need a half and hour of quiet time before I can fall asleep. So if the call comes in after 9, I don't even see it (oh the wonder of cell phones!) until the next morning. Obnoxious? Perhaps. Ornery? Maybe. Ridiculous? No.
Frankly, if you want to talk to me that badly, call me before 9 PM.
But the sticking point lately is less about political debates about the necessity of the military or inability to cope with the idea of frequent and seemingly pointless moves around the country.
The sticking point is our bed time. My friends cannot handle the fact that any call to us after 9 PM will not be answered.
Now, I grew up in a house where if you were calling after 9 PM you had better be 1) dead 2) dying or 3) calling about someone else in one of the previous two conditions. This was non-negotiable. My parents are hardcore about very few things, but the 9 PM phone cut off was sacrosanct. I never thought much about it (other than a brief interlude in college where the jealous ex of my roomate's new boyfriend called EVERY NIGHT at 3 AM) and I certainly didn't follow it. But with Einstein's flying schedule and my own work schedule, it makes sense to go to bed at around 9:30. And I need a half and hour of quiet time before I can fall asleep. So if the call comes in after 9, I don't even see it (oh the wonder of cell phones!) until the next morning. Obnoxious? Perhaps. Ornery? Maybe. Ridiculous? No.
Frankly, if you want to talk to me that badly, call me before 9 PM.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sometimes I forget
I was talking with a good friend from undergrad today. After we had gotten caught up on her news (she is recently engaged, yay!) and were just chatting, it came up in conversation that Einstein has what is basically a 12 year commitment to the AF (roughly 2 years pre pilot training + 10 years after). I've known this was how it was going to be for a long time-at least the last 2 years, but apparently my friend either a) never knew or b) forgot this little tidbit.
She was shocked. Once she finished choking on her water she said "Are you going to be in (insert city name) for 12 years, then?"
It was my turn to be shocked.
Uhm, no. We will not be here for 12 years (please, God). Another year or so, then 9 months in another locale, and then on to Einstein's "first" "permanent" station. For four years or so. When I told her that in the next twelve years I am planning on moving at least 4-5 times (at least!!!), there was silence. When I reeled off place names of a couple of the bases we would love to be stationed at, she got even quieter.
It was so strange to have someone who I consider a great friend be so ignorant about the basics of the military lifestyle I live and breathe every day. She was shocked that we hoped to move abroad, shocked that I am fine with moving("Can't you just stay if you like it someplace?"), shocked about everything.
And I was shocked to realize that to her way of thinking, the military is just a job. I wonder how many people think like that?
She was shocked. Once she finished choking on her water she said "Are you going to be in (insert city name) for 12 years, then?"
It was my turn to be shocked.
Uhm, no. We will not be here for 12 years (please, God). Another year or so, then 9 months in another locale, and then on to Einstein's "first" "permanent" station. For four years or so. When I told her that in the next twelve years I am planning on moving at least 4-5 times (at least!!!), there was silence. When I reeled off place names of a couple of the bases we would love to be stationed at, she got even quieter.
It was so strange to have someone who I consider a great friend be so ignorant about the basics of the military lifestyle I live and breathe every day. She was shocked that we hoped to move abroad, shocked that I am fine with moving("Can't you just stay if you like it someplace?"), shocked about everything.
And I was shocked to realize that to her way of thinking, the military is just a job. I wonder how many people think like that?
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